中考优秀英语作文评析
中考优秀英语作文评析
(一)——记叙文 1 记叙文
【习作要求】 习作要求】 根据中文意思和英文提示词语,写出意思连贯,符合逻辑的英文文段。所给 英文提示词语必须都用上;每组英文提示所写的句数不限。
彼得只有五岁,和他的祖母住在一起。一天他的祖母得了重感冒,彼得急得 直哭,后来他……
(1) Peter, five (2) live, grandma (3) have, cold, worried, cry (4) idea, find, parents' telephone number, call (5) news, hurry, home, hospital
【参考范文】 参考范文】 Peter is only five (years old). He lives with his grandma. One day his grandma had a cold. Peter was so worried that he began to cry. Then he had an idea. He found his parents' telephone number and gave them a call. When his parents heard the news, they hurried back home and took Peter's grandma to the hospital.
【名师点评】 名师点评】 根据中英文提示可理清需要进行表达的大致情节是:彼得只有五岁,他和他 的祖母住在一起,一天他的祖母得了重感冒,他急得直哭。后来有了一个主意, 他找到了他父母的电话号码,他打电话给了他们,当他的父母得知这一消息后迅 速地赶回家,把祖母送进医院。须注意前面介绍的是一般情况用一般现在时,后 面叙述的是过去发生的事用一般过去时。 动词的运用及动词的时态是在进行书面 表达时尤其要注意的。
(一)——记叙文 2 记叙文 【习作要求】 习作要求】 请根据下面所给李玲的个人小档案,以 My good friend 为题,写一篇英语短 文,介绍李玲的基本情况。要求条理清楚,语句通顺,体现表中的全部内容,不 得少于 12 句话。
中文名:李玲 性别:女 祖籍:青海 年级:三 特长:数学、英语 优点:友好,善良,乐于助人,学习努 力
英文名:Susan 年龄:15 学校:第八中学 班级:二 爱好:唱歌、看电视、打排 球
【参考范文】 参考范文】 My Good Friend I have a good friend. Her Chinese name is Li Ling, and Susan is her English name. She is from Qinghai. Li Ling is fifteen years old. She studies in No. 8 Middle School. She is in Class Two, Grade Three. Li Ling is good at maths and English. She likes singing and playing volleyball very much. And she sings quite well. She likes watching TV, too. Li Ling is very kind and friendly. She studies very hard and always likes helping others. What a good girl she is! I like her!
【名师点评】 名师点评】 这是一篇记叙文,内容要交待清楚、全面,要注意中英文的表达习惯,如汉 语中年级在前,班级在后,而英语正相反;首尾句要格外留意,要保持短文的完 整性。
(1) 格式:人物介绍 (2) 人称:第三人称 (3) 时态:一般现在时 (4) 短语: have a good friend, English name, to be from, No. 8 Middle School, in Class Two, Gr
ade Three, to be good at, like singing and playing, sing well, like watching TV, study hard, what a good girl (5) 句型:陈述句与感叹句
(一)——记叙文 3 记叙文 【习作要求】 习作要求】 根据中文意思和英文提示词语,写出意思连贯、符合逻辑的英文文段。所给 的英文提示词语必须都用上,句数不限;中文提示内容不必逐句翻译。
一个雨天,李莉乘出租车回家。在车里她发现司机在学英语。他对李莉说了 些什么? 此事对你学习英语有何启发? 为支持北京奥运你打算做些什么?
(1) one rainy day, go home, by taxi (2) in the car, find, was learning English (3) said to Li Li, I, weak, English, when at school, now work hard, to help with the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games (4) I think... to show support (n.支持)for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games
【参考范文】 参考范文】 One rainy day, Li Li went home by taxi. In the car she found (that) the driver
was learning English. He said to Li Li: 美国朋友杰克于暑假要来西安参观,王磊写信告诉 他行走的路线及到时在车站等他等细节,应采用一般现在时和将来时态来叙述。 最后,同学们应结合所给的主要内容,用所学过的词(组)及句型来完成此文。
参观 visit
今年暑假 this summer holiday
想要 would like to do
到达 get to/arrive at/reach get off 等等。
乘坐公共汽车 catch/take a bus
下车
(二)——应用文 2 应用文 【习作要求】 习作要求】 假如你叫 Han Meimei,你的笔友 Mary 现在上海三中学习。她邀请你去参加 聚会。请你用英语给 Mary 写一封信。信的要点如下: (1) 你很抱歉,不能去。 (2) 你母亲病了,医生叫她卧床几日。你要照料母亲。
(3) 谢谢寄来的漂亮的明信片(postcard),很喜欢,将放在书桌上。
注意: 注意: (1) 信要通顺、连贯。 (2) 词数 60 字左右。信的开头和结尾已为你写好,不计入总词数。 (3) 如写不下,可写在横线下空白处。 No.3 Middle School Shanghai April 20, 2004 Dear Mary, Thank you very much for inviting (邀请) me to your party. _______________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ ________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ ________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ __________________________________ Give my best wishes to your family. Yours, Han Meimei 【参考范文】 参考范文】 No.3 Middle School Shanghai April 20, 2004
Dear Mary, Thank you very much for inviting me to your party. I am very sorry, but I can’t come. My mother is ill. The doctor has told her that she should stay in bed for several days. I’ll take care of my mother. Thank you very much for sending me such a beautiful postcard. I like it very much. I am going to put it on my desk. Could I hear from you soon? Give my best wishes to your family. Yours, Han Meimei 【名师点评】 名师点评】 利用所学英语知识和题目所给材料写一封英文信。通读全文,可较详细地列 出要点: (1) 你很抱歉,不能去 (2) 原因是母亲生病了 (3) 医生嘱其卧床几日 (4) 你必须照料母亲 (5) 谢谢寄来的明信片,很喜欢 (6) 明信片放在桌上
要注意的是:内容要点不遗漏;时态、语态正确;句子结构正确;符合英文 信的格式;单词拼写正确;语句通顺,上下文连贯;字数在 60 左右。
通过以上分析,再着手开始写,一定会写出一封符合题意要求的英文信来。 (二)——应用文 3 应用文 【习作要求】 习作要求】 Miss Jo Hunt 和 Lily 是好朋友。 Lily 给 Jo 写信, 告诉她自己和双胞胎妹妹在 中国学习和生活的情况,并询问对方的汉语学习情况及是否能来中国。
要求:写一篇 100 词左右的信。
【学生习作】 学
生习作】 March 5th,2004 ①from,“收到某人 Dear Jo: How are you? I haven’t heard of ① you for a long time. 的信”应为 hear from。
I’d like tell ② you something about our school life in China. Now we are students of No.4 Middle School. We’re in the same grade, Grade Two, but in different class ③. I’m in Class 1, but Lucy is in Class 4. We go to school five days a week. Every morning, we leave home after a quick breakfast. Classes begin at eight o’clock in the morning. We have four classes in the morning and three classes in the afternoon. We have lunch at school because we all ④ like Chinese food very much.
②to tell,正确的说 法是“would like sb. to do sth.”
③classes, 既然在不 同班级,应该用复 数形式。
④both,all 表示三 Our favorite food is dumplings. School is over at about 3 in the afternoon. After school we have sports on the playground. We have made friends with a lot of Chinese children. We teach them English and they teach our ⑤ Chinese. Now we can speak and write a little in Chinese. What about you? By the way, when are you coming to China? Please write to me soon. Love from: Lily ⑤us,此处应用宾 格形式。 者以上的人或物, both 表示二者。
【名师点评】 名师点评】 本文从句子结构到语言能力的表达都很不错。思路清晰,行文流畅。正确地 运用了动词时态,但是大小写及动词搭配还要多加练习。
(三)——看图作文 1 看图作文 【习作要求】 习作要求】
看图写话 根据所给图示,以“Wang Lei's Busy Day”为题,写一篇不少于 50 字的短文, 内容必须符合图意,语意连贯,句式规范,字迹工整。(正文第一句已给出)
Wang Lei's Busy Day It was March 8th yesterday.
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
【参考范文】 参考范文】
It was March 8th yesterday. It was Women's Day. Wang Lei wanted to do something for his mother. He went shopping and bought much food. Then he cleaned the room. He did his best to do some cooking. When his mother came back after work, she was very happy. Wang Lei was very tired, but he felt pleased. (58 个词)
【名师点评】 名师点评】
先“看准题意”:题目是 Wang Lei's Busy Day。写作要围绕王雷一天中所忙碌 的事情的顺序展开。 描述昨天的事应该用过去时。 从题意理解中即可“规范格式”: 本文用记叙文格式去写。再“按点组句”: (1)3 月 8 日为妇女节。→It was Women’s Day. (2)王雷去商店购物。→Wang Lei went shopping and bought much food. (3)王雷打扫卫生。→He cleaned the room. (4)他烧饭。母亲回家很高兴。→He did the cooking. When his mother came back, she was very happy.
完成
组句后,“连句成段”,可加上句子间的衔接句子。如在(1)与(2)之 间可加上 Wang Lei wanted to do something for his mother.
在最后可再谈王雷一天的感受:He was very tired, but he felt happy.把这些句 子连成段后,最后“通篇润色”。 (三)——看图作文 2 看图作文 【习作要求】 习作要求】
看图组句
根据所给图画和提示词语,写出意思连贯、符合逻辑的四句话。每幅图只写 一句话,所给提示词语必须都用上。(注意:只抄提示语不得分)
提示: 提示: (1)It was Tree Planting Day yesterday. (2)early, morning, I, go, in my old clothes. (3)we, help, each other, dig, hole, large enough, for, trees. (4)plant, some, along, school, playground. (5)from now on, water, tree, often, possible.
(三)——看图作文 3 看图作文 【习作要求】 习作要求】
看图作文 根据图示,写一篇 80 词左右的短文。要求故事完整,句子通顺,内容与图 片相符。
参考词汇: 参考词汇:newspaper (报纸),bird (鸟),nature (自然)
【参考范文】 参考范文】
One day my uncle was reading a newspaper and learned that birds were our friends. We should get alone well with them. He looked at his nice bird in the cage, and decided to let it fly back home—nature. He took the cage with the bird in it and went to a little hill near his house by bike. He went home with the empty cage. When he got back, he sat in a chair and had a rest. A moment later, to his surprise, he found the bird back in the cage.
【名师点评】 名师点评】
分析: 分析:该例四幅图画描述的是一位先生保护动物的故事,内容贴近考生的生 活实际,有利于对考生进行保护生态平衡、保护地球环境的教育。内容要点是: (1)看报(Let Birds Fly);
(2)上山去放飞笼中鸟; (3)提着空笼返家; (4)惊奇地发现鸟儿重飞回笼。
通过观图、分析、判断,列出了要点,可写草稿,再进行润色,注意运用简 单的、熟悉的句型结构,检查要点有无遗漏,注意拼写、词汇、语法及搭配上是 否有误。
说明: 说明:看图作文是从直观入手,通过观察、分析、理解,运用联想,将图画 语言转换成书面文字的写作过程。答题的思路和方法如下:首先,观察图画,弄 清故事梗概。仔细观察每幅图画的内容,抓住图中的主要情节,把握关键的信息 与联系,诸如人物、时间、地点、动作等。其次,明确信息,编拟提纲。经过认 真的观察和分析,我们掌握了每幅图的主要信息。为了在表达中不漏要点,可为 每幅图配上一个提纲性的句子,即用一句话表达这幅画的大意,这几句话实际上 就是短文的写作提纲。 有了提纲, 我们在写作过程中就能做到重点突出, 有条理, 不
会离题。再次,依据图示、提纲,连句扩写成篇。连句成文时,要按照一定的 顺序和图画间的关系,中间加上一些符合逻辑关系的过渡词、句,从而使所写短 文层次分明,内容连贯,浑然一体。同时注意尽可能运用简单易懂、自己熟悉的 有把握的句型结构。最后,结合要求与图示,复查所写短文。写完短文后要检查 格式、篇幅是否符合要求,文理是否通顺,要点有无遗漏,词汇、语法、搭配上 是否有误,单词拼写有无错误等。
(四)——提示作文 1 提示作文
【习作要求】 习作要求】
马虎搞到两张全兴队对国安队的足球比赛入场券。他电话通知好友赵华洋, 约他放学后在新华公园门口碰头,一起吃晚饭,然后去看球赛。二人在饭店美美
吃了一顿, 到付账时马虎才发现自己把钱夹忘在了家里, 入场券也在他的钱夹中。
【学生习作】 学生习作】
Ma Hu got two tickets of (1) a wonderful football match between Quanxing and Guoan. He was thinking of invite (2) his good friend Zhao
(1)of 在这里不是表示所有关系, 所以应把 of 改成 for,表示“用途”。 (2)动词 invite 在介词 of 的后面,
Huayang to watch it together. He gave him a call and 应把它变为–ing 形式。 told him to meet at the gate of Xinhua Park after class and then had dinner (3) together. (3)连词 and 连接的应该是两个并 列的动词不定式,所以应把 had 改 为 to have。 They met each other on time and had good dinner (4) in a restaurant. When the waiter brought (4) 这里注意 dinner 前面有形容词 修饰时,那么应在形容词前面加 a。
them the bill. Ma Hu found that he left (5) his wallet (5)应把 left 改成 had left。因为到 at home. The two tickets kept (6) in the wallet, too. “发现”时为止前面的动作已经完 成,要用过去完成时态。 (6) 此处是被动语态, 应加上 were。
【名师点评】 名师点评】
这是一篇根据汉语提示写作的作文,也是中考题中常常采用的一种写作方 式。写作中要求要点齐全,时态准确,短语、句型运用较为恰当即可得高分。本 文要点齐全,较好地体现了写作要求。只是文中细小错误较多,这会影响获取高 分。
(四)——提示作文 2 提示作文 【习作要求】 习作要求】
以“My Mother”为题,写一篇 120 字左右的短文。需包括以下要点: (1) 妈妈的身材不高,稍胖,圆脸,长发。 (2) 妈妈是家庭主妇,每天起床很早,为全家人做饭。 (3) 早饭前做些家务,饭后送孩子上学。虽然她没有很多钱,却常给我们买 好衣服和学习用品。 (4) 妈妈晚上睡得晚,她总有很多活要做。 (5) 妈妈勤劳,我爱妈妈。
【学生习作】 学生习作】
My Mother My mother is not tall and short (1). She
is a little fat. (1)如果说“她中等身材”,应 She has a round face and long hairs (2). 该说: She is of medium height. (2)hair 是不可数名词,不能 My mother is a housewife. She is very busy every day. She get to(3) up very early every morning. She gets 用复数形式。 (3)改为 gets。主语是第三人
up at about five thirty. After that she begins to cook for the 称单数时,动词也应变为相应 family. 的三单形式。 (4) 此处“我们孩子”是同位词 Before breakfast, she does some housework. After 组,“我们”与“孩子”之间是同
breakfast, she sends our children (4) to school. She always 位关系,应将其改成:us tells us study hard (5). She has not many (6) money, but she often buys us some nice clothes and school things. children。 (5)这里应使用动词不定式, 即 tell us to do something。 My mother goes to bed very late every night. She always has a lot of work to be done. (7) (6)money 为不可数名词, 前面应用 much 修饰,而不能 用 many。 My mother is hard-working. I love her very much. (7)这里的动词不定式 to do
的逻辑主语是 she, 它们之间是 主动关系,所以动词不定式应 用主动形式。
【名师点评】 名师点评】
作者以细腻的笔法描写了一位勤劳而又善良的母亲, 全文充满了对母亲的感 激之情,语言流畅,表达生动,很有教育意义。小作者文中存在如第 2 处第 6 处等名词方面的错误,以及第 5 处、第 7 处等动词不定式方面的错误,小作者写 完之后要是能够认真检查,多修改几遍,这些错误是可以避免的。
(四)——提示作文 3 提示作文 【习作要求】 习作要求】
你校与加拿大某中学结成姊妹学校, 加方校刊来信了解你校的课外活动情况 及你们的建议, 请你根据下面表格中提供的内容用英语写一篇 80 词左右的短文。 文章的开头已给出(不计入总词数)
生词:兴趣小组 interest group
英语角 English corner 活动 activity (n.)
活动时间
4∶50 p.m—5∶50p.m 1.体育类(篮球、足球等)
主要内容
2.兴趣小组(绘画、歌舞、电脑等) 3.英语角(周三下午)
建议
1.增加课外活动时间 2.减少作业量
I'd like to tell you something about the out-of –class activities in our school.
【参考范文】 参考范文】
We usually have our activities from 4∶50—5∶50 in the afternoon. We have different kinds of activities. Some students are interested in sports. They play basketball and football. We also have some interest groups, such as drawing, singing and dancing. And now, computer is the most popular. On Wednesday afternoon we go to English corner. We like talking in English there. We hope we can spend more time on such activities and less time on homework.
【名师点评】 名师点评】
根据题目要求。 这是
一篇说明性质的书面表达, 要介绍的是课外活动的时间、 内容及自己的建议。首先要做到的是细读表格,明确要点。在行文时要注意表达 举行课外活动要用 have activities,表达起止时间要用 from... to,在表达这三种主 要活动内容时,为使行文流畅,最好加进 we have different kinds of activities(我 们举行不同种类的课外活动)这样一句话。紧接着要过渡到说明体育类(篮球、 足球) 如果表达出“有些学生从事体育活动 , (have sports) ”或“有些学生热衷于… (are interested in...)”就较好。至于说打篮球、踢足球较容易表达出来,可以直 接表达 They play basketball and football,也可以表达成 Basketball and football are the most popular. 要表达“兴趣小组”时,注意用提示词 interest groups,要表达兴 趣小组的三种内容,最好用例如(such as...),三种内容作为名词来表达时要注 意用动名词形式(drawing, singing, dancing)。在表达英语角时注意用提示词 English corner, “在周三”注意用介词 on。 在表达“建议”时, 用自己熟悉的词 hope, 要表达“增加…时间”, “减少…量”, 此时要注意到同一意义可有不同的表达方式, 如转换成“在课外活动上多花时间”“在作业上少花点时间”的表达形式,与原意保 持一致且与自己所学内容较贴近而不大容易出错, “在……方面花时间”注意用短 语 spend...on。
提示的要点往往是非常简略的,要使行文流畅、自然,需适当加进一些话, 另外当不能直接表达出需要表达的意义时, 要考虑用自己熟悉的又不会改变意义 的另一种表达形式,须知同一意义可以有很多种的表达方式。 (五)——自由作文 1 自由作文
【习作要求】 习作要求】
Write eight or more sentences about the season you like best.
内容要点 1.四个季节中任选一个季节。 2.被选季节的特点(气候、时间、事物、活动等)。 3.人们在此季节所从事的活动。 4.作者自己喜爱的活动和感受。
【参考范文】 参考范文】
I like winter best. Though it is very cold, it is good for skating. I often go skating on Sundays with my father. When it snows, everything turns white. Trees and houses are covered with thick snow. How beautiful the world looks! My friends and I like to make snowmen. Sometimes we make snowballs and throw them at each other. That's a very interesting game. I like winter holiday very much because the Spring Festival is the happiest time of the year.
【名师点评】 名师点评】
这是一篇描写季节的文章,文章难度一般。要求从自己的角度描写季节和感 受季节。应注意以下几个问题: (1)确定全文的时态。此文一般选用一般现在时。
(2)除了对季节的描述,一定要有自
己的见解,这是得分的重要内容和关键 所在。
作者用流畅的语言描述了冬天的景色。全文意思表达清楚,结构紧密。
(五)——自由作文 2 自由作文 【习作要求】 习作要求】
Write about what you are going to do after you leave school.
【参考范文】 参考范文】
When I finish school, I want to be a teacher. Though teachers are poorly paid and they have no power, teachers are kind, respectable and learned, like angels. They lead the pathway to succeed. It's quite sure that teachers are very important in modern world. We can't develop our country without knowledge. Teachers teach us knowledge. I like all of my teachers in my school. I would like to be an English teacher. It's very important for the students to learn English well today. I'll try my best to be an ideal teacher. My students can make our country better in the future.
【名师点评】 名师点评】
这是一篇阐述观点的议论文, 作者用简洁而流畅的语言表达了长大后想成为 一名老师的愿望。论据充分,观点明确,并且字里行间渗透了对祖国的无比热爱 之情和把祖国建设更加美好的决心。
(五)——自由作文 3 自由作文 【习作要求】 习作要求】
请以 My….为题写一篇短文。要求:有时间、地点、人物,字数不少于 80 个单词。
【学生习作】 学生习作】
My Mother’s Birthday My mother is busy. She always busy works. (1) She often forgets her birthday. (1)把 always busy works 改为 is always busy working, 因为 busy 是形容词作表语,
Last Sunday was my mother’s birthday. I “忙于做某事”应该用 be busy doing 形式来 invited several friends to have a birthday party 表示。 for her. It was five o’clock. Everything was ready. The candles were on the cake. When my mother came back to home (2), she was (2)要把 to 去掉。 home 在此句中是副 词,不需要加 to。 (3)本句 surprise 在系动词之后,要把 surprise 改成 surprised。 surprise 具有名
very surprise (3). She asked, “Whose birthday 词、动词词性,其形容词有两个,他们分 is it today?” We said, “Happy birthday to you!” She was very happy. At that time Lily gave my mother a nice present and said, “I 别是 surprised 和 surprising,其中前者多 用来指人,后者多用来指事。 (4)把 how 改成 what。在感叹句中 how
hope you will like it” “ Thank you. Can I open 是用来修饰形容词或副词的,而 what 是 it now?” My mother asked. “Certainly.” Lily said. “Oh, it’s a toy 用来修饰名词的。名词前可以有其他定 语, 单数可数名词前记住要加上 a 或 an。
panda. How (4) a beautiful panda!” my mother (5)把 singing 改成 to sing some songs, said. Meimei asked us, “Would you like singing?”(5) “Yes, we would love.”(6) We said. We all sang with my mother. That night my mother sa
ng and danced like a little girl. She looked more (7) younger Would you like…后接动词时要加 to。 (6)在 love 后面加上 to。对 “Would you like …?”问句的肯定回答应为 would like (love) 后加 to, 因为这是口语中动词不定 式的省略, 也就是说 to 后面的动词短语省 略了。
than before.
(7)把 more 改成 much,因为 more 不能 用来修饰比较级。能够用来修饰比较级的 有:a little, a bit, much, rather,far 和 even 等。
【名师点评】 名师点评】
本文的小作者开篇就写出母亲的繁忙, 为母亲忘了自己的生日和自己为她准 备生日晚会做了铺垫,同时也教育了那些为了自己过生日讲究排场的同学,这也 是本文的成功之处。 另外小作者能够把学过的词汇、 语法灵活地运用到本文中去, 这也是值得我们学习的,不过还需要在个别词语用法上多下功夫。