怎样写托福作文-Tony教授的英语教室

写作训练营

详细讲解TOEFL作文每一部分的写法

Many people like to say that nothing in this world is free. However, over the last few months, I have worked very hard to provide a quality service to any and everyone who might need help with their English writing. As far as I know, this is the only online English writing class of its kind being offered in China. Also, I hope to make this the best English class in China! My goal is that the students and observers can learn specific tools and build their understanding about writing. Many schools out there will charge you thousands of RMB to provide an intensive English course. However, it's my goal to make a class better than the so called experts give, and have it free for all.

For all of the 30 students in the class, I will be correcting and grading your work throughout the entire course. For those of you just having a look, you too can ask questions about what will be taught, and I will do my best to help you as well. However, I will only be correcting the essay writing of those 30 students who have registered for the class.

Based on what people think, I hope to offer more courses in the future, so please give me your feedback. As usual, if you like what you see here, please tell a friend, and help make our site accessible to all those who might need help.

By Tony

PART 1: INTRODUCTION:

How to write an introduction

OK, the best way about how to write an introduction is re-think what you have learned about writing. Writing is a lot like talking in many ways. If you want to tell a joke, you don't begin with the main point. You have to give a right amount of background information that finally leads to the idea you hope to argue.

如何开篇

最好的开篇方式是重新思考你学过的那些写作知识。在很多方面，写作跟聊天很相像。如果你想要讲一个笑话，那么你不会一开始就讲到主题。你必须给出一些背景信息，由这些信息引出你的笑点。

Purpose:

The purpose of the introduction is two-fold:

1. To answer the question asked of you.

2. To introduce why or just how you chose that answer.

We will talk about how to do this in greater detail in the Structure section.

目的：

1. 回答题目所给出的问题

2. 提出你是如何选择这个答案的，为什么选择这个答案。

我们将在文章结构部分就这一问题做出详细的探讨。

Structure:

Overall, many see an introduction as an upside down pyramid, ▽ were the top is very wide and the bottom is very narrow. The introduction is just this way; the first part is very general and the last part is very specific. Ideally, it would be wonderful to begin and end with your main point. For example, Hotdogs are better than hamburgers because they are normally less expensive, they taste better, and they are easer to hold in one's hand. Some people use this type of "one-sentence" introduction, but of course this is not acceptable. Firstly, a paragraph is almost never just one sentence. Yes there are some exceptions, but for your TOEFL/GRE/GMAT/IELTS writing, you won't be using this method. Secondly, writing an

introduction that is too short is not very polite. Just like with talking, you lead up to something. Whenever people in China want to ask me for something, I usually need to wait about 5-10 minutes after my friends start talking until they get to their main point. WRITING is the same way. You need to lead up to your main point, but you don't want to take too much time in doing that.

文章结构：

总得来说，作文开篇的结构就像是一个倒三角▽。倒三角的顶端很宽，但是底端很窄。开篇的第一句就像倒三角的顶端，非常的广泛；而末句则像倒三角的底端，非常具体。例如，热狗比汉堡好，因为热狗更便宜，味道更好，并且很容易拿在手里。有些人就喜欢用这种一句话式的开篇。这显然不可以。首先，一段话基本上不可能只有一个句子。当然，是有例外的，不过在TOEFL/GRE/GMAT/IELTS的写作中，不要用这样的开篇。其次，太短的开篇看上去不是很礼貌，就好像说话一样。在中国，不管什么时候人们问我问题，通常在谈话5到10分钟后才会谈到重点。写作也是这样。你需要一些东西引出你的重点，但是你不会用太多的时间去为你的重点铺垫

An introduction can be broken down into 3 or 4 sentences. You don't want your introduction to be much longer than this because you are not trying to prove anything, and you want to place more attention on the body. The main purpose of an introduction is just to let the reader know what idea you will discuss later in the paragraph.

一个开篇可以被切分为3到4个句子。你不需要把开篇写得很长，因为你不是在试图证明什么。你将会把论述部分放在文章的主体。开篇的目的就是让读者知道你将会在接下来的文章中讨论什么。

In the following section, I will explain how to write each sentence of a four-sentence introduction. I will carefully offer three CHOICES for each part that shows the different ways to write each sentence. At the end of this example section, you will have several different introduction essays that will help you learn how to better structure an introduction

下面，我将要解释四句式的开篇中，每一句的写法。我会非常谨慎的给每一个部分提供三个选择，这样就可以显示出写作这些句子的不同方法。在举例部分的结尾，我会给你几个不同的开篇，这些将会帮助你学习如何更好地构建出你自己的开篇。

1. The first sentence is just something, a tool, you use to start talking about the question. Just try to mention the question and say something very general about it.

1. 第一句话更像是一种工具，通过它来引出话题。你只需要提一下问题，然后就此进行一些概括性的陈述。

Essay Question: Can advertising tell you a lot about a country?

Choice 1: The history of advertisement in China can be traced back to four thousand years ago.

Here I mentioned advertising relate it to history. This can help me build a foundation for saying more about this subject.

这里，我提到了广告的历史，这可以帮助我为接下来我想说的话奠定一个基础。

Choice 2: Advertising is a tool used to reach a large group of people.

Again, I mention advertising and make a general statement about its function.

这里，我提到广告，并用一种非常概括的方式说明了它的功能。

Choice 3: Every culture is unique and there are many ways to understand cultures different from one's own.

Here I introduce the idea that one can learn about culture in different ways. This can provide a very good way to continue my direction.

这里，我提到一个人可以通过很多方式来了解文化。这句话就可以很好让我继续我的文章。

2. The second sentence is what I like to call a focus sentence. It's what you use to turn to the direction the question is asking. It acts as bridge to help you get from your general statement to something that reflects your own personal ideas.

2. 第二句话，我叫它 Focus Sentence。它的作用就是一个过渡句，连接第一句概括性的说明和你的个人观点。

Essay Question: Can advertising tell you a lot about a country?

Choice 1: The history of advertisement in China can be traced back to four thousand years ago. In China, merchants used advertisements to attract people as early as the Zhou Dynasty.

Here I connect advertising to China directly stating who has used this method and for how long. You can see how things are beginning to take shape.

这里，我将广告和中国联系起来，并直接指出什么人在什么时间就用过这个方法。这样你就可以看出开篇是如何成形的。

Choice 2: Advertising is a tool used to reach a large group of people. While this business

practice is used in many countries around the world, China's history with advertising goes back several thousand years

I try to put advertising in a bigger context first (by saying the world), and then emphasize how China has used this business tool for many years. This just shows how powerful advertising can be and how it can also be a credible source of information because it is so widespread.

我试把广告放在更大的背景下（这里我用了世界），然后我强调中国是如何在其历史中使用广告的。这就可以显示出广告的力量有多大，并且可以显示出广告是一种非常好的信息源，因为它是如此被广泛的应用。

Choice 3: Every culture is unique and there are many ways to understand cultures different from one's own. Advertising, as a method used to reach a large group of people, is one such method that can be used to learn about different cultures.

Here everything begins to become clearer. I directly show a relationship between advertising and culture. This will make it easy for me to continue to my main idea.

这样，一切都开始变得清晰。我直接指出了广告和文化间的关系。这样我就更加容易展开我的讨论。

3. The third sentence is what I like to call the set-up sentence because it does just that. It sets up what your main point is going to be. It's the moment right before the "big kiss" in a romantic movie. The scene where the two lovers stare in each other's eyes. You know they are about to kiss, but they have not done it yet. This is the set-up sentence;

3. 第三句话，我叫它Set-up Sentence，因为它的作用就是如此。它奠定了你主旨的方向。这就像电影里热吻之前的时刻，一对恋人相互凝望的场面。你知道他们马上就会接吻，但是事实是，他们还没开始。这就是Set-up Sentence。

Essay Question: Can advertising tell you a lot about a country?

Choice 1: The history of advertisement in China can be traced back to four thousand years ago. In China, merchants used advertisements to attract people as early as the Zhou Dynasty. At that time, advertisements were seen as an effective vehicle for a business, and such practices have continued to the present day.

It is here where I make the connection between what was done before with advertising and what is being done now. I am emphasizing the use of advertising in China in order to establish it's credibility as a tool to understand culture later in the essay.

就是在这里，我将广告的过去和现在连接起来。我强调着广告的使用，这样就为接下来我要

说的，广告是一种了解文化的工具奠定了基础。

Choice 2: Advertising is a tool used to reach a large group of people. While this business practice is used in many countries around the world, China's history with advertising goes back several thousand years. Because the goal of advertising is to convince people to follow an idea or accept a product, advertising must speak to the ideals and concepts that society values.

I explain the function of advertising by definition in order to show how it could be used to do more than just help with business. I define this term in a way that can support my own idea. This is a useful technique.

为了显示出广告不仅可以在商业上起作用，我用定义的方式说明了广告的作用。我用一种可以支持我的观点的说法给广告定义。这是一个非常有用的技巧。

Choice 3: Every culture is unique and there are many ways to understand groups different from one's own. Advertising, as a method used to reach a large number of people, is one such way that can be used to learn about different cultures. Because advertising targets audiences within a group, analyzing the design, format, and language used in country-specific advertisements can help people to know something about that society.

Here I explain the way that advertising can help one know more about a society. I specifically mentioned how several principles of advertising can have applications related to cultural understanding.

在这，我说明了广告如何可以帮助人们更好的了解一个社会。我尤其提到了广告的几个原则是可以如何地应用到了解一种文化当中。

4. The fourth sentence is where the reader finally is told what your main point is. This is there we know what your essay will be about, and we have a general (or sometimes specific) idea about the direct it will go in. It is quite useful to make things very clear in this sentence so your readers can follow your ideas with clarity.

4. 第四句话，你就该告诉读者你的主旨了。就在这，我们就要知道你的作文是要写什么，我们将会对文章的方向有一个大概的把握。这时候，你需要清晰地表达，这样你的读者就可以清楚地跟着你的思路。

Essay Question: Can advertising tell you a lot about a country?

Choice 1: A. The history of advertisement in China can be traced back to four thousand years

ago. In China, merchants used advertisements to attract people as early as the Zhou Dynasty. At that time advertisements were seen as an effective vehicle for a business, and such practices have continued to the present day. Therefore, based on this historical precedent, I believe that China's early use of advertisements can reflect something about the nature of people that live there

Here, because I mentioned history in the beginning of the introduction, I use this as a way to strengthen why I feel strongly about agreeing with the question.

因为我在开始就提到了历史，所以在这我用这句话强调了为什么我会如此强烈地赞同这个问题。

Choice 2: Advertising is a tool used to reach a large group of people. While this business practice is used in many countries around the world, China's history with advertising goes back several thousand years. Because the goal of advertising is to convince people to follow an idea or accept a product, advertising must speak to the ideals and concepts that society values. As a result, I agree that advertising can be used to understand much about a country, especially China.

In the third sentence, I alluded to the power of advertisement so that made it very easy for my last sentence. Basically, my fourth sentence agrees with my third sentence, so I am saying something in one sentence and then validating it in the next sentence. Also using the word "agree" in my fourth sentence makes my writing look stronger and more confident.

第三句话，我暗指了广告的力量，这就为我的第四句话做了非常好的铺垫。基本上，我的第四句话与我的第三句话相呼应，这样，我的第三句话证明了我的第四句话。此外用“agree”这个词，让我的文章更加有力并且自信。

Choice 3: Every culture is unique, and there are many ways to understand groups different from one's own. Advertising, as a method used to reach a large number of people, is one such way that can be used to learn about different cultures. Because advertising targets audiences within a group, analyzing the design, format, and language used in country-specific advertisements can help people to know something about that society. I feel this is especially the case with regards to China, and I hope to explain what can be learned from analyzing Chinese advertisements in the following essay.

Here, I just built on the words of my third sentence. I just take my previous statements and then relate it to China specifically. It's very simple and direct.

在这，我只是基于我的第三句话来构建第四句。我只是将之前的声明跟中国联系起来，这非常简单直接。

Problems people have with writing:

写作时常犯的问题：

1. Oftentimes, students have a problem with writing too much in the first three sentences of their introduction. Please make your writing clear and direct. I know many students are told to write long, complicated sentences, but it's not very useful. Also remember that longer does not mean better. The more you write, the more writing that is done, the greater the chance to find mistakes. Also, yes, clauses are fine, but if you put more than two in one sentence, it may work to clutter your writing making it hard to understand.

1.很多时候，学生们在开篇的前三句写了太多的内容。请务必要让你的作文清晰直接。我知道很多学生被告知要写长难句，但是那样的句子并不管用。还有，记住，长并不意味着好。你写得越多，你犯错的几率就越大。此外，是的，从句很好，但是如果你在一句话中用两个以上的从句，那就会让人觉得很难读懂你的文章。

2. Most students have a problem answering the question asked in the essay. Also sometimes students try to answer the question, but the answer is not clear. Let's look at the following example:

2. 大多数学生在回答问题上需要注意。还有，有些学生试着回答问题，但是回答得并不清楚。让我们看看下面的例子：

Essay Question: Can advertising tell you a lot about a country?

Introduction:

开篇：

The history about advertisement could be traced back to four thousand years ago. In China, merchants had used advertisements to attract people since Zhou Dynasty. It is an effective vehicle for business as consumers can only get the information about products through advertising before they buy them.

广告的历史可以追溯到四千年前。在中国，商人从周朝开始就用广告来吸引人们。广告是非常有效的商业工具，因为消费者在买东西之前只能通过广告来获得产品信息。

Did the writer answer the question?

作者回答问题了吗?

Well, the writer did a good job to link the topic (advertising) to a country, and in this case it's China. The writer also did a good job of introducing a historical context for advertising in China. Furthermore, the writer even advocated how and why advertising can be useful for a business. However, the question was not answered.

作者很好的将广告与一个国家联系起来，这里说的是中国。作者还指出了中国的广告史。而且，作者甚至还说明广告是如何在商业中使用，并说明为什么广告有如此的作用。然而，作者并没有回答问题。

Did the writer offer any reason why they are agreeing or disagreeing with their answer?

作者提供任何他同意或不同意这个观点的原因了吗？

Because the question was not answered, no reason or direction was given to explain why the writer might feel a certain way. Had the question been, "Is advertising useful in your home Country," then YES, the question would have been answered together with some reasons given. But, in this case, this question was not asked.

由于问题没有被回答，没有任何指示来说明作者为何有这样的观点。如果问题换成“广告在你的国家有用吗？”那么，是的，这个问题已经被很好地回答了。但是，这并不是这个作文题目的问题。

It's very, very easy to get lost while writing. Once you see a question, it's common to re-interpret what is being asked, and this leads to many careless mistakes. As a writer, you can't let this happen.

在写作的时候，人是很容易迷失的。在你看到问题的时候，你通常会重新翻译一遍问题，这个过程会导致很多无心的错误。作为一个作者，你不可以让这样的事情发生。

Tips:

1. Make sure your answer is very clear...as in "yes" or "no" clear. In order to do this, you need to use language that is not ambiguous. You have to use strong words that let your readers know, clearly, what you want/believe/feel.

1. 确保你的回答非常清晰，就像你在用“yes”或“no”回答一样的清晰。为了做到清晰，你需要用没有歧义的句子。你必须用清晰的词汇让你的读者知道，而且是非常清楚的知道你想要的、你的感觉和你的观点。

2. Try to imagine you are writing to a 12 year old student. In order to make sure that person can follow you, and then you have to make your logic transparent. Writing for the TOEFL, GRE, IELTS and other tests should not be mysterious. It should be very clear and easy to follow.

2. 试着想象你在给一个12岁的学生写作文。为了确保这个人能够理解你，你必须让你的逻

辑非常清晰。TOEFL, GRE, IELTS的写作并不是那么神秘的。文章应该条理清晰，简单易懂。

3. Don't be afraid to say directly that you either agree or disagree with the point in question.

3. 不要怕直接说明你究竟是同意还是不同意问题的观点。

Some of the following terms below can help make your introduction a bit clearer:

-especially

-as can be seen in

-as evidenced by

-specifically in areas such as

-for the following (1, 2,3...) reasons

-from a ... perspective, I agree/disagree

-with regards to...

以下几个词组可以让你的开篇更加清晰：

-especially

-as can be seen in

-as evidenced by

-specifically in areas such as

-for the following (1, 2,3...) reasons

-from a ... perspective, I agree/disagree

-with regards to...

Let's look at how to make our previous example, better:

让我们看看如何使我们之前的例子更好：

Alternate ways to write the introduction:

开篇的另一种写法：

In this section I chose Choice 1 from the essays above to show how one introduction can be written in two different ways with regards to how a writer wants to argue their points. Take a look at the following to examples:

在这个部分，我用 Choice1 来说明如何用两种方式来写开篇。看看下面的例子：

A. The history of advertisement in China can be traced back to four thousand years ago. In China, merchants used advertisements to attract people as early as the Zhou Dynasty. At that time

advertisements were seen as an effective vehicle for a business, and such practices have continued to the present day. Therefore, based on this historical precedent, I believe that China's early use of advertisements can reflect something about the nature of people that live there

Or

B. The history of advertisement in China can be traced back to four thousand years ago. In China, merchants used advertisements to attract people as early as the Zhou Dynasty. At that time advertisements were seen as an effective vehicle for a business, and such practices have continued to the present day. Therefore, based on this historical precedent, I believe that China's early use of advertisements can reflect something about the nature of people that live there, especially regarding areas such as culture and values.

Now, I have given two examples to show the two main ways to answer an essay question. Example A and B both mention clearly that advertisements can be a reflection (in some way) of the nature of people living in a certain area. Thus, A and B both answer the question. However, example B states the areas where the writer feels advertisements can tell others about a country? Which method do you choose? My suggestion is that both are fine. Of course if you can make your introduction very clear, then it’s better, but it's not absolutely necessary. You can still score very high on your essay using an "example A" style. If I am forced to choose which one is better, I will choose B.

现在，我已经给出了两个例子来演示两种回答问题的主要方法。例子A和B都清楚地指出广告在某种程度上可以反映出生活在一个地域的人的本性。因此，A和B都回答了问题。然而，例子B说明了作者认为广告可以在哪些方面让别人了解一个国家。你会选择哪一个方法？我的建议是，两个都不错。当然，如果你可以把开篇写得清晰，两个方法都是好的。不过，当然不是必须要像B这样。用A的开篇也可以得到很高的分数。如果非要我选择一个，我选择B

In the next section, I will give some introduction essays that I feel are good. You can learn from them, and see how each one was constructed. This will help you with your first homework assignment:

接下来，我将会给出一些我认为非常好的开篇。你可以从中学习，看看它们是如何组织构架的。这将会为你的第一个作业带来很大的帮助。

PART 2: BODY

The main function of the introduction paragraph is to let your readers know your answer to the essay question, and then how you plan to answer. The length of the body is dependent on the number of reasons you have to support your point. Normally essays are 4-5 paragraphs in length. Honesty a 4 paragraph is long enough to score over 20, eaidsssssiy in the IBT. You don't need 400+ words to do well, just a clear idea and direct and clear structure.

开篇的主要作用是让你的读者知道你对作文题目给出的答案以及你打算如何回答。文章主体的长短取决于你用多少个论点来支持你的观点。通常来说，一篇作文由4到5段组成。老实说，4段的作文就足够让你拿20分以上了。你不需要写400多字，只需要观点清晰直接，文章结构清晰合理就可以了。

Now, after you have given your answer to the essay question in your introduction, it's time to explore that answer in the body.

你已经在开篇给出了作文题目的答案，现在是时候来研究一下作文的主体部分了。

Main function of the Body:

-highlight the points that support your opinion

-use examples to make your argument very clear

主体部分的主要作用：

-进一步论证你的分观点。

-运用例子使你的分论点更清楚 。

Some rules to remember:

1. Only address one point at a time in each body paragraph

This is very straight-forward. You don't want to mix things up, and in order to keep your structure very clear, only talk about one point per paragraph.

1.主体的每一个段落只需要说明一个分论点。

这样非常直接。你不应该把两个分论点混在一起，为了让你的文章结构清晰，每段只论证一个分论点。

2. Use an example to illustrate your point

You are trying to convince your readers to follow or understand your ideas. If you only talk about why you believe your idea is correct, then the argument is not very strong. By bringing in outside information, you can make a more convincing argument because you are able to demonstrate that "others" share your opinions.

2.用例子来证明你的论点。

你正在尽力让你的读者理解你的想法。如果你只说明为什么你认为你的想法是对的，那么这样的论述就不够有力。通过用其它客观存在的例子来论证就会非常有说服力，因为这样可以显示出别人也和你有同样的观点。

3. If you are stating some facts, make sure you say where the information comes from. Especially when summarizing information from surveys, reports, and the like

For example, If you say, "80% of students enjoy eating hamburgers" Make sure you say where this 80% statistic came from.

3.在你引用一个事实的时候，一定要表明信息来自何处。特别是在总结一个调查或报告所提供的信息的时候。例如，如果你说，80%的学生喜欢吃汉堡，那么一定要说明80%这个数据是从何而来的。

4. Avoid long sentences and sentences with too many clauses.

I know it's popular to make a sentence as long as possible, but really...if your grammar has problems, it will only make your essay look worse. It's better to have a combination of short, direct sentence as well as longer sentence to show your level of writing sophistication.

4.避免长难句

我知道现在很流行把句子写得很长。但是如果你有语法问题，这样只会让你的作文看上去更糟。最好是长句子结合简单清晰的短句子，这样能够显示出你的写作水平。

5. Understand the Mo Ban that you are using.

Don't just use something because someone told you to do that...understand the grammar of the Mo Ban so you can know when and when not to use it. Not all of them are good.

5.真正理解你用的模版

不要只是因为别人告诉你要用这个模版你就用。你需要理解模板，这样你就会知道什么时候该用什么时候不该用。不是所有的模版都好用。

6. Keep your argument consistent.

It's so easy while writing to get off track, or to slightly change to another topic. Always remind yourself to answer the question, and then periodically check to make sure that you are. For example, when arguing that hamburgers are better than hotdogs, a writer might state that they taste better. But in the essay that explores why taste leads to the preference, you might be temped to talk about other foods with a good taste that are attractive to people. This is the beginning of getting off track and it's very dangerous.

6.尽量让你的论证保持一致

在写作的时候，很容易就会偏离轨迹，甚至像是在说另外一个话题。你需要不断提醒自己去回答问题，然后检查一下自己是不是在回答问题。比如说，在论证汉堡比热狗好时，有的作者可能说他们味道很好。但是在作文中，这就引发出另一个问题即，为什么汉堡味道更好，你可能就会开始讨论其它美味的食物。这就是让你偏离主题的开始。这样很危险。

7. Don't use pronouns in the first sentence of your body paragraph that refer to other ideas, topics, or people mentioned in previous paragraphs.

For example, if in your introduction you say that your favorite place to travel to is the beach, DO NOT write the following sentence as the first sentence of your body paragraph:

"I love to go there because of the good weather, and good weather is important for one's health." Here the word "there" is used to refer to "the beach." Many inexperienced writers like to do this because the feel that it's okay. When you start off a new paragraph, you need to restate things. Remember, each paragraph introduces something new, so restating things will be necessary; however, you can rephrase how you said things previously.

7. 在写主体段落的第一句时，不要用代词来指代前一段提到过的想法，话题或者是人。 如，如果你在开篇说，你最喜欢去的地方是沙滩，那么不要在主体段落的第一句写：

7. "I love to go there because of the good weather, and good weather is important for one's health." 这里的”there“用来指代”beach“。很多没经验的作者会这样写因为他们觉得这样没问题。在你开启另一段时，你需要重新声明。记住，每一段都在说一些新的事情。因此重新声明是非常必要的。你可以用另一种方式来说你之前提到的事物。

Structure:

No matter what style you use for the body of your paragraph, make sure that you state clearly the point you want to make that supports your main idea. Also this needs to be done as soon as early as possible. Do not wait until the second sentence to do it this if possible. here are some examples of possible structures

结构

不管你用什么样的风格进行论证，都要保证你非常清楚地提出了你的各个分论点。同时还要保证在段落的一开头就提到这些分论点。不要等到第二句才提到。

下面是一些供你选择的结构示例：

Structure 1

1. State point

2. give an example about the point

3. Make a statement about the example

4. Offer a conclusion based the information given

Structure 2

1. State point

2. give an example about the point

3. Make a statement about the example

4. Give a second example

5. Offer a conclusion based the information given

Structure 3

1. State point

2. Make a statement about your point

3. Given an example either about the main point or about the statement

4. Make a statement about your point

5. Offer a conclusion based on what you stated.

The power of examples:

Ok, why use examples? Well, because they help balance your argument. If you always just state your own opinion, how can your argument be very strong. Remember when you were a child and you wanted to get something from your parents. At that time, you would give so many excuses, but it would not be until you mention that your best friend's parents let your classmate do something, that your parents would consider your request. Or how about when your parents wanted you to do something. They would probably say, "look, Wang Wei does...so what's wrong with you?" It's the same strategy and logic.

例子的力量

为什么要使用例子？因为例子能够平衡你的论证。如果在论证的过程中你只是一直地罗列你自己的观点，你怎么才能是使你的论证有说服力呢？想一下，你小的时候是怎样跟父母要一件东西的。可能你会拿出很多理由，但是对父母来说都不起作用。直到最后你说哪个同学的父母买了，父母才会考虑你的要求。或者你的父母要求你做什么事的时候会说：“看，王伟…, 为什么你就不能呢？”使用例子进行论证是同样的道理。

I advocate you put at least one example in every paragraph. Why? It adds balance to your argument. Having an outside source gives objectivity and allows your reasons to become stronger.

我建议每段里至少使用一个例子。为什么呢？因为例子能够平衡你的论证。使用例子能使你的论证看起来更客观，从而使你的分论点更有说服力。

What kind of examples to use?

1. Personal Examples

Personal examples are great. When you use a personal example, YOU become the expert. You are able to mention even the smallest details about past events, and it can add color and flavor to your argument. Personal examples, can reflect maturity, character, and lessons learned. It is a very useful method.

1． 个人事例

通过个人事例进行论证是一种很好的方法。使用个人事例的时候，你就是专家。你知道这件事的整个过程，甚至是最微小的细节。这样会为你的文章增添很多光彩。个人事例能反映出你的成熟、性格，还有你学到的经验教训。所有这是一种很有说服力的论证方法。

-Talk about your past

Last year... When i was 12 years old...

-Talk about things that happen to others you know personally

My friend Marc once.... For example, my father always...

-Talk about events, movies, books, songs or anything that you experienced that also matches the point you want to make.

In the TV show Friends, one of the protagonists named Joey....

My favorite book is entitled...and the book taught me.....

2. Fact-based examples.

OK, most people who have taken the TOEFL have seen examples stating statistics or survey results. This is useful because it seeks to use the experience of groups of people, instead of just one person's experience. This can be very powerful. Of course, the more people you can cite as agreeing with you, the stronger your argument can be. However, you need to be more careful with this kind of example. As stated previously, you need to cite where your example is coming from. With personal examples, this is not necessary. Remember with personal examples, you

are the expert because the story come from you. With fact-based examples, there can be no mystery as to where the numbers came from. Just make sure your example is reasonable.

2.事实论证

大多数参加托福考试的同学都见过引用数据或调查结果的例子。这种例子不是使用某一个人的经历， 而是使用某一群人的经历进行论证，所以很有说服力。当然，和你持有相同观点的人越多，你的论证就会越有力。但是使用这种论证方法的时候一定要注意，像我前面提到的那样，你必须说明你引用的数据出自哪里。而使用个人事例的时候就不用考虑这一点了。在使用个人事例进行论证的时候，你就是权威，因为你说的是你自己的经历。使用这种事实论证的时候，你一定要讲清楚例子的出处。注意使用的例子要合理。

-According to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, Nine out of 10 survey respondents have said that... -US News and World Report stated that 20% of all students majoring in Finance have....

3. Quoted Examples

A quoted example is when you use something a "famous" person said to strengthen you point. This is a very useful tool as it can add much credibility to your work. Just be sure to put that statement, or even if it's just a paraphrase, in quotation marks.

-Albert Einstein once said, "fear is for the weak."

-In his book Warren Buffet mentioned that, "...."

3. 引证

引证指的是引用某一名人的话来增强你的观点。这种例子作用很大，因为它能让你的文章更有可信度。要注意的是引用的部分，即使不是精确的引用，也一定要把这一部分放在引号里。

1. Don't only use personal examples in all of your paragraphs if you have a 5 paragraph essay.

If you have a 5 paragraph essay (1 introduction, 3 body paragraphs, 1 conclusion), then you certainly don't want three personal examples. Alternate if possible.

2. Don't make your examples too outrageous. They must at last be passably TRUE

3. Put an example in every body paragraph.

4. It is fine to only use any example in a four paragraph essay (1 introduction, 2 body paragraphs,

1 conclusion)

5. Don't create Quoted Examples. This could easily backfire if you reader realizes that you

have fabricated a quote.

对举例论证的建议:

1. 如果整篇文章是由5个段落（开头、结尾和三个论证段落）组成的话，中间三个段落的例子不要都使用个人事例。如果可能的话，用一些其它类型的例子。

2. 不要使用太过夸张的例子。至少要能让人相信这些例子是真的。

3. 论证部分的每段都应该有事例论证。

4. 如果文章由四个段落（开头、结尾和两个论证段落）构成的话，那你可以在两个段落里都使用同一类型的例子。

5. 不要自己创造引证。如果读者意识到你假造了一个引言，那么结果就是适得其反了。

4. Observational Examples

An example I didn't mention in the video was Observational Examples

Observational Examples deal with things that you have noticed or experienced to be true, but are not grounded in a statistics or percentages. it's something that you the writer have come to understand as true from your observations and experience. This kind of example, its origin does not need to be explained in detail. This is very different from a fact-based example where one must give an explanation as to where the information was found.

还有一种类型的例子我在视频里没有提到，这种例子叫做观察事例（Observational Examples）。

观察事例指的是你在生活中看到的或者经历过的事，这些事是真实可信的，但是并没有相关的统计或者数据可以证实。你通过观察或者自己的亲身经历可以知道他们确实是真实的。这样的例子，你不必追究出处。观察事例(observational examples)跟事实事例（fact-based examples）有很大的不同。使用事实事例时你必须指出其出处。

In China, students generally take studying very seriously.

Is it a fact? Yes

Is this fact validated by some expert, statistic, or publication? Well not really. It's just an observed fact. In a situation like this, you don't necessarily need to say where you got this information from.You can just state it in your essay and then build upon it in subsequent sentences.

比如：

In China, students generally take studying very seriously.

这是一个事实吗？是的。

这个事实经过某个专家、某个统计或某种出版物证实吗？可能没有。这只是一个观察得出的事实。碰到类似这种的情况，你就不必指出出处了。你可以在文章中直接使用这个事实，然

后在此基础上进行延伸。

5. Counterexamples

A counterexample is a statement (when writing) used to refute or disprove something. This is the most basic definition of a counterexample, and it's something that I hope to introduce to you all today?

反例指的是写作时用来反驳或证明某件事有误的陈述。这是反例最基本的定义，也是我今天要介绍的内容。

How can you improve your score? How can you make your writing stand out from the crowd? How can you show more thought, intelligence, and organization in your essays? Well, the answer is simple, the answer is found using a counterexample.

如何提高你的考试分数呢？如何让你的作文鹤立鸡群？如何在文章中表现出更多的思想、聪明才智和组织能力呢？答案很简单——你可以通过反例找到答案。

The purpose of an essay is to argue a point. For example, a TOEFL test might ask you the following question, "Do you like hamburgers or hotdogs?" Your job as the test-taker is the answer that question and then explain WHY.

作文的主要目的就是论证一个观点。例如，托福考试可能会给你出这样一道写作题目："Do you like hamburgers or hotdogs?" 作为一名考生，你要做的就是回答这一问题，然后解释为什么。

However, the problem most people run into when answering questions in the writing section is that they focus too much on one perspective: their own perspective.

不过，大多数人在写作中遇到的一个问题是，他们往往只注重阐述自己支持的观点。

My meaning is that, for example, when defending why hotdogs are better than hamburgers, most people will list reasons like, better taste, lower cost, easy to prepare. Then good writers will go about highlighting each position by giving examples that emphasize these three main points. That is, they will explain why these three area make hotdogs a better choice than a hamburger. 以上面提到的题目为例。我想说的是，在论证热狗比汉堡好的时候，大多数人都会列出味道好、价格低、制作容易等理由。好的作者会举出不同的例子来进一步强调每个论点。也就是说，他们会进一步解释为什么这三点使得热狗比汉堡更好。

The way to strengthen one's perspective, and in the process create a stronger argument, is to provide an appropriate counterexample. Here a good counterexample would be to "counter" or provide an opinion against my own main point.

强化文章观点，使文章论述更有力的一种方法就是使用一个恰当的反例。好的反证可以是一个与文章主要观点相反或者不同的观点。

because they are cheaper, I might want to use the following counterexample in my essay:

比如，如果我在第一段表明我的观点：热狗比汉堡便宜，所以热狗比汉堡好；那么在文章主体论证部分我就可以使用这样一个反例：

Most people would agree that hamburgers are one of the most common fast foods, and, as such, they can be normally bought very easily at a low price. However, hotdogs, while not as prevalent in fast-food chain stores, are at least 20% to 30% cheaper to hamburgers when both are found on the same menu. Ok, so what did I do here? First I made a statement that hotdogs are cheaper than hamburgers. After making this statement, I then introduced a "fact" or piece of information that speaks against my point. I do this to allow an opposing view to be heard.

看看我在这一段里是怎么写的。首先我在文章第一段的观点陈述中曾提到热狗比汉堡便宜。而在正文论述中，我又提到了一个“事实”，或者说提供了一条信息，而这个“事实”或信息与我前面提到的观点相矛盾。我这样做的目的是使读者能够了解到相反的观点。

By addressing various opinions in my essay, it gives readers the impression that I am very open, and I made my decision after listening to the opinion of others. If a writer only takes one perspective, it's not as convincing as allowing other counter-perspectives to be addressed. The key is after introducing a counterexample, one must counter the counterexample in order to reinforce why your perspective is indeed correct. Here, I immediately introduce some evidence to refute the opposing view, and at the same time I strengthen my argument.

在文章中提到多种不同的观点，这样就会给读者留下一个深刻的印象：我的思维很开放，我是在听取不同观点之后做出自己的判断。一篇探讨了不同观点的文章比一篇只关注一种观点的文章更有说服力。这样做的关键在引进一个反例之后，你必须推翻这一反例，以此来进一步证明你的观点确实是正确的。在上面这个例子里，我在反例之后马上提出了一些证据来反驳它，这样在反驳的同时我也增强了自己的论证。

I like to use them in two ways:

1. Just as a sentence added to a body paragraph that supports one of your main points.

2. As a paragraph that allows for you to give a more detailed counterexample and then to equal time to refute the counter example.

如何使用反例？

我通常使用以下两种方法：

1. 单独的句子：添加在文章主体部分的某一个段落里。

2. 单独的段落：使用这种方法时你可以举出一个更详细的反例，然后用相应的篇幅来反驳这个反例。 Question: Who do you value the most in your life?

Most people can easily identify one or two memorable people in their lives; however, when asked to designate one as most significant, this can be a challenge. Despite this, for me the choice is clear, and my father is the one person I admire most. I am able to make this decision based on the simple facts that my father was mainly responsible for my birth; he educated me during my adolescence; and he has always been a good friend.

With regard to my birth, I can honestly say that without my father’s input, I might not have ever been born. After marrying my mother, my father wanted to have a child immediately. While my mother contemplated establishing her career first, it was my father that convinced her to agree to his proposition.

Explanation:

Ok, here I mention in my first body paragraph that my father's input has been a very important feature contributing to why I value him most. right after stating this, I provide the following counter example:

分析： 在文章主体论证的第一段，我提到父亲给予我生命是我最尊敬他的原因之一，然后我提出了以下的反例：

Here I introduce why my conclusion might not be very logical or accurate. Then, I immediately explain that despite this doubt, still my father's contribution was very significant.

在这里，我提到为什么我的结论可能不是非常符合逻辑或不是非常正确的，然后，我马上又解释了即使有此疑问，我父亲对此的贡献还是意义重大。

下面是另外一个例子

Question: Who do you value the most in your life?

Most people can easily identify one or two memorable people in their lives; however, when asked to designate one as most significant, this can be a challenge. Despite this, for me the choice is clear, and my father is the one person I admire most. I am able to make this decision based on the simple facts that my father was mainly responsible for my birth; he educated me during my adolescence; and he has always been a good friend.

Throughout the years, my father has been my best teacher. When I was young, he taught me to read and write, and even to speak. My father took quite an active roll in my up bringing, and consequently was very hands on with my education. He taught me with patience and understanding, and he never tired of my mistakes. Today I am a good student in my school, and I can't help but attribute my present status to my educational foundation that my father helped establish very early in my life.

Explanation:

Here, again I mention how my father has impacted my life, but this time I use the reason that he was such a good teacher. After stating this reason, I immediately write the following two sentences:

分析：

在这一段里，我再次强调了我的父亲对我生活的影响，但这次我用的理由是他是一个非常优秀的老师。陈述了这一原因之后，我马上又写了以下几句话：

I insert a counter-opinon that many believe schoolteachers can be the best teachers for students. I do this because I want my audience to know that I am aware that this question might elicit different answers from different people. Finally I proceed to give a deeper explanation why I feel my father was a better teacher then my schoolteachers, therefore strengthening my argument.

我在此插入了一个不同的观点：许多人认为学校老师学生最好的老师。我这么做的原因是想要读者知道：我清楚不同的人可能对这一问题有不同的观点。最后我给出了一个更深层的解释：为什么我的父亲要比我学校的老师更称职，以此来加强我的论证。

1. You don't need to put a counterexample in every body paragraph. One per essay is good enough. Also you have the option of writing your own counterexample paragraph.

反例使用TIPS：

1.不用在每个段落都用上反例。每篇文章用上一个就足够了。你也可以用一个独立的段落来写反例。

2. Write your counterexample last. Sometimes it's hard to think of a good counterexample, so I suggest you write it last. A good counterexample won't disturb the flow of your essay, and it's much better that you at least have a complete essay to hand in just in case you run out of time. After you finish your essay, go back and think about where you might be able to put a counterexample. This is much easier than writing and thinking at the same!

2.把反例放到最后写。有时很难想到一个恰当的反例，所以我建议你最后再写。恰如其分的反例不会打乱整篇文章的流畅性，这么做的好处还在于：一旦超时，你至少能交上一篇完整的文章。在完成整篇文章之后，你再来考虑可以在哪儿加进一个反例。这比一边想一边写要容易得多！

3. Don't make your counterexample too long or too fancy. Be direct and to the point. This will make things very clear for you.

3.反例不要写得太长或是过于夸张，要直切要点。这将会让你的文章更加清晰。

Here are some paragraphs using the body structures talked about in the video. Each paragraph is immediately followed by an analysis of the examples used.

下面是上面提到的三种主体写法的例子。每一段后面都紧跟着对例子的解释说明。

1. Structure 1

Example:

The style of traditional advertisments reflects the love many people have for poetry in China. Take China as an example. Poems from the Tang Dynasty are meaningful to most people in Chinese. Even most children in kindergarten can recite lines from numerous famous poems as evidenced by a recent study given by the China Academy of Sciences. It is a part of daily life in my country. So in ancient China, merchants would like to publicize their products by poem. When this poem is well known by most Chinese, products also have the benefit of becoming well known. Even in contemporary society, advertising slogans using a style which is similar to those from Tang Poems are popular in China. I feel this can illustrate just how much people enjoy poetry in China.

1. State your point

"The style of traditional advertisments reflects the love many people have for poetry in China."

2. Give an example about the point

"Take China as an example. Poems from the Tang Dynasty are meaningful to most people in Chinese. Even most children in kindergarten can recite lines from numerous famous poems as evidenced by a recent study given by the China Academy of Sciences. It is a part of daily life in my country. So in ancient China, merchants would like to publicize their products by poem. When this poem is well known by most Chinese, products also have the benefit of becoming well known. "

3. Make a statement about the example

"Even in contemporary society, advertising slogans using a style which is similar to those from Tang Poems are popular in China. "

4. Offer a conclusion based the information given

" I feel this can illustrate just how much people enjoy poetry in China. "

Analysis of the Example:

Here I use a group of examples as one example.

A. “Poems from the Tang Dynasty are meaningful to most people in Chinese." This is an

Observational Example

B. "Even most children in kindergarten can recite lines from numerous famous poems as

evidenced by a recent study given by the China Academy of Sciences." This is a Fact-based Example

C. "It is a part of daily life in my country. So in ancient China, merchants would like to publicize

their products by poem. When this poem is well known by most Chinese, products also have the benefit of becoming well known. " This is an Observational Example

2. Structure 2

Example:

In addition to showing a country's cultural background, advertising can tell viewers what types of ideas and concepts the culture there values. This is especially the case in print and digital media, for example. Companies normally consider those things a society values when designing their advertisements. So the pertinence and placement of advertisement always helps us know a lot about consumers interests. When looking at an advertisement in China, we can find that nature plays an important part in the the culture. Many magazines are laden with images of natural bucolic scenes to advertise products ranging from milk to real estate. Nature is an image that resonates with many people in China, and it's a special aspect about Chinese culture readily found in books, magazines, and televised advertisements.

1. State your point

"In addition to showing a country's cultural background, advertising can tell viewers what types of ideas and concepts the culture there values. "

2. Give an example about the point

This is especially the case in print and digital media for example. "

3. Make a statement about the example

"Companies normally consider those things a society values when designing their advertisements. So the pertinence of advertisement always helps us know a lot about consumers interests. "

4. Give a second example

"When looking at an advertisement in China, we can find that nature plays an important part in the culture. Many magazines are laden with images of natural bucolic scenes to advertise products ranging from milk to real estate."

5. Offer a conclusion based the information given

"Nature is an image that resonates with many people in China, and it's a special aspect about Chinese culture readily found in books, magazines, and televised advertisements."

Analysis of the Examples:

A. This is especially the case in print and digital media for example. " This is an Observational

Example.

B. "When looking at an advertisement in China, we can find that nature plays an important part

in the the culture. Many magazines are laden with images of natural bucolic scenes to advertise products ranging from milk to real estate." This is an Observational Example.

3. Structure 3

Example:

The style of traditional advertisments reflects the love many people have for poetry in China. Since the main purpose of advertising is to make people know more about products and try to be interested in them, producers always choose what people like best as the sources of advertising. That’s why advertising usually not only represents views of companies, also the cultural background of countries. Take China as an example. Poems from the Tang Dynasty are meaningful to most people in Chinese. Even most children in kindergarten can recite lines from numerous famous poems. It is a part of daily life in my country. So in ancient China, merchants would like to publicize their products by poem. When this poem is well known by most Chinese, products also have the benefit of becoming well known. Even in contemporary society, advertising slogans using a style which is similar to those from Tang Poems are popular in China. I feel this can illustrate just how much people enjoy poetry in China.

1. State your point

"The style of traditional advertisments reflects the love many people have for poetry in China. "

2. Make a statement about your point

"Since the main purpose of advertising is to make people know more about products and try to be interested in them, producers always choose what people like best as the sources of advertising. That’s why advertising usually not only represents views of companies, also the cultural background of countries. "

3. Give an example either about the main point or about the statement

"Take China as an example. Poems from the Tang Dynasty are meaningful to most people in Chinese. Even most children in kindergarten can recite lines from numerous famous poems. It is a part of daily life in my country. So in ancient China, merchants would like to publicize their products by poem. When this poem is well known by most Chinese, products also have the benefit of becoming well known. "

4. Make a statement about your point

"Even in contemporary society, advertising slogans using a style which is similar to those from Tang Poems are popular in China."

5. Offer a conclusion based on what you stated.

I feel this can illustrate just how much people enjoy poetry in China.

Analysis of the Example:

Here I use a group of examples as one example.

A. “Poems from the Tang Dynasty are meaningful to most people in Chinese." This is an

Observational Example

B. "Even most children in kindergarten can recite lines from numerous famous poems as

evidenced by a recent study given by the China Academy of Sciences." This is a Fact-based Example

C. "It is a part of daily life in my country. So in ancient China, merchants would like to publicize

their products by poem. When this poem is well known by most Chinese, products also have the benefit of becoming well known. “This is an Observational Example

PART 3: THE CONCLUSION

Few people may realize it, but the conclusion is one of the most important parts of an essay. Despite this fact, I have seen time and time again, so many students either write a one sentence, very bland conclusion, or just skip writing it altogether.

So, why is the conclusion important?

The answer is fairly simple, a conclusion helps bring the main focus of your entire essay to a close. For example, how would you feel if you are talking to your best friend and suddenly he or she hangs up the phone on you in mid-sentence? You would feel strange, uncomfortable, or possibly offended, right? Well the same thing happens when a person writes a very brief and abrupt conclusion. Think of an essay as a bell curve: you start off at one level, gradually increase the level of detail and ground covered, and then you decrease back to the point where you started, but with a better understanding. If you were to stop at the top of the bell curve, then you would have be "finished." So, essentially, conclusions finish your essay. They provide the right summary and polish to your overall argument, and they make your readers fell like you strongly understand the question being asked.

Function:

The conclusion has two essential jobs to undertake:

1. To restate your main point. Whatever it is that you mentioned in your introduction's thesis statement, whatever your main position is or was, it must be restated in the Conclusion.

2. Make a general statement about the thesis statement.

Structure:

The structure of the conclusion is very straight-forward. You only need three to four sentences to write a conclusion, so be sure not to write too much or too little. It should be written in the exact opposite order as the introduction paragraph. In the introduction, one starts of very general and then gets quite specific, ending with the thesis sentence. For the conclusion, one starts very specific and then goes backwards. it does take some practice to get used to, but it is truly a necessary skill to have.

The Conclusion: Sentence by sentence.

Tips:

1. Do not write exactly the same thesis sentence found in your introduction paragraph as the lead

sentence of your conclusion. (Doing this only shows that you were too lazy to rephrase your thesis statement.)

2. Try to write no less than THREE sentences and no more than 4 to 5 sentences.

3. Never introduce any new information in your conclusion. Only use ideas that have already

been covered previously in your essay. (This is a very common problem, but one that can easily be avoided if you remind yourself to do this while writing.)

4. Try not to quote another person in your conclusion. (Again the purpose of your conclusion

is to summarize, and by using the words of another person, you will only make your own ideas weaker. That is, by quoting another person, it appears that you can't think of anything to say yourself, so you must use someone else's worlds. Not really the best way to write)

Remember our old question? Let's play with this and see how to make things work well.

EXAMPLE ONE:

Essay Question: Can advertising tell you a lot about a country?

Introduction Choice 1

The history of advertisement in China can be traced back to four thousand years ago. In China, merchants used advertisements to attract people as early as the Zhou Dynasty. At that time advertisements were seen as an effective vehicle for a business, and such practices have continued to the present day. Therefore, based on this historical precedent, I believe that China's early use of advertisements can reflect something about the nature of people that live there

A Sentence Conclusion

China's use of advertisments has opened the doors of understanding and in many ways has reflected the lives of the people that live there. Not just simply a tool of marketing, advertisements do in fact reflect certain aspects of the societies where they are shown. While many indicators can be used to understand social development, there will always be a need to utilize conventional and non-convential methods to decipher the human experience, especially for those with different backgrounds from our own.

Analysis

Now, you can see what each of the four sentences is doing:

1. Sentence One, restates the conclusion

2. Sentence Two , makes a general statement about the thesis statement, agreeing with it and validating its truth.

3. Sentence Three, moves farther from the thesis making a more general statement about the overall idea of the paper.

EXAMPLE TWO:

Essay Question: Can advertising tell you a lot about a country?

Introduction Choice 2

Advertising is a tool used to reach a large group of people. While this business practice is used in many countries around the world, China's history with advertising goes back several thousand years. Because the goal of advertising is to convince people to follow an idea or accept a product, advertising must speak to the ideals and concepts that society values. As a result, I agree that advertising can be used to understand much about a country, especially China.

A Sentence Conclustion

As this essay bears out, Advertising can tell one a great deal about a country, especially China. Serving as a medium of communication conveying ideas, images, and messages, advertisements most importantly give viewers a window into the society and country where they are used. Consequently, the information derived from advertisements can teach, guide, and inform those willing to learn from them.

Analysis

Now, you can see what each of the four sentences is doing:

1. Sentence One, restates the conclusion

2. Sentence Two , makes a general statement about why the thesis statement is true.

3. Sentence Three, moves farther from the thesis making a more general statement about the overall idea of the paper.

I hope this can help you better understand how to write a conclusion. At least, if anything, I hope this lesson can make the process of how to write a conclusion more transparent.

Thank you!