[唐伯虎点秋香]英文搞笑版剧本

唐伯虎与秋香

Scene one

（音乐：Happy day）

唐伯虎的五位妻子正在家中玩牌…

唐：（手摇用钞票攒成的扇子，摆pose）I’m back, honeys .

Wives:（一人一叫）honey, sweetie, dear, darling, candy.

Wife 1: Today is payday, isn’t it?

2: How much have you got?

3: You’ve promised to treat us a big meal.

4: We want to go to KFC.

5: Yeah, let’s go!

Scene two

(They enter KFC.)

Wife 1: I want a hamburger.

2: I want a fried chicken.

3: I want potato chips.

4: I want Pepsi.

唐：Ok, ok, find a table first, and sit there quietly. I know what your favorite is. (唐伯虎取完食物回来)

唐：（按顺序发）Your hamburger. You fried chicken… (看见秋香)Ur…what a beauty!(石榴忙梳妆)

石：Would you want to treat us?

唐：Ok, of course! Join us!

石：Oh, a free big meal!

秋：That’s not so good. We have to go.

石：Why? Let’s have a meal, a free meal, and a handsome guy.

唐：According to your temperament, you two mustn’t come from ordinary family. 石：Yes, we are from 华府. My name is 石榴. I like cooking, swimming, … (Cell phone ringing)

秋：Hello, oh, I’ll be back soon!

对石：We have to go. Madam Hua called us.

对唐：We are so sorry. Thank you all the same.

石：See you. This is my card.

唐：（看秋香，看老婆）唉!Now I really know what a beauty is!

(唐伯虎和祝枝山闲逛，在街上，见告示，一脸惊愕，转高兴)

唐：God bless me!

祝：You’re so crazy about money?

唐：Money? No! It’s a secret!

祝：（鄙视状）Ur…I see. It must be some women.

唐：My parents give birth to me, but you are the only person who knows me. I must be quick!

Scene three

(华府门前——一大堆人在府门前，唐跪在旁)

（音乐起：二泉映月）

唐：Everybody! Attention, please! A dutiful son will sell himself for the dead father. Please show some mercy on me!

石：You, guy, why come here so early just do this kind of business? Don’t you know it

will bring bad luck?

唐：Good lady, I have no other choice.

秋：You look so familiar. We have met before somewhere?

唐：Come across each other with no care of acquaintance or not.

石：What a pity! But we only need one servant.

惨人：How miserable I am! I want to sell myself for my whole family.

唐：It can’t be true.

惨人：Show some mercy on me. Last night, my whole family except me all went to

heaven. And I have heart attack, blood cancer…Please, hire me as your servant. 秋：This one deserves more sympathy. Let’s hire him.

石：（哭）Ok.

唐：Madam, I came first.

秋：It’s not a matter of order.

石：Yes, this guy’s family almost all went to heaven. You just lost your father. We

really want to help you, but…

唐：But, I’m also miserable.

石：But the fact is he is more miserable. Do you have something more miserable? 唐：I…Ur…You see, I haven’t clean my nails for days. They are dirty with mud.

Doesn’t it seem miserable?

(惨人的小狗突然死去)

惨人：（痛苦）旺财…旺财…How can you die? You have been with me for so many

years! Since you came to my family, you have never had a full meal. I’m so sorry for you.

唐：（看见一只蟑螂，大叫) Be careful!

(石榴一退，踩死蟑螂)

唐：Baby！What’s wrong with you? How can you go first?! I have been with you for

so many years. I treat you as my brother. I teach you, raise you. How can I imagine you go before me?

石：秋香，They are both miserable, what shall we do?

秋：Let’s wait and see.

惨人：That’s good.

(走到唐伯虎前)Big brother, don’t play tricks. You guy, please, do some

make-ups first. You see, my body is full of wound. How can you look more miserable than me?

唐：Please don’t compete with me. The most thing I can’t tolerate is that someone

competes with me!

惨人：Can you be more miserable than me?

(唐捡起一棍，自断一臂)

唐：Now you see, my arm is broken! Ha Ha!

惨人：I won’t give up. I will contribute my life.（拿起棍子砸脑门，血流不止）Who

can be more miserable than me? （倒下）

唐：Good guy, you win! We’ll meet next time if there is chance.

石：This one is dead. We decide to hire you.

唐：Really?

石：Yes.

秋：You can go home for some preparations. Come tomorrow.

唐：Miss 秋香, thank you!

(秋香回眸一笑。)

唐：She is flirting with me now. I’ll be successful soon!

Scene four

(秋香在房里读诗集)

唐：(在窗外拿吉它)I’m a poet, a romantic poet. I’m a genius, an all-rounded

genius…

唐伯虎弹吉他…（音乐起：河东狮吼插曲）

秋：(生气状)Don’t be so noisy. I’m reading.

唐伯虎正投入，没听见。

秋香尖叫…唐伯虎愣住

秋：Don’t be so noisy. I’m reading.

唐：If you don’t like it, I can paint for you.

秋香不屑一顾走开。唐伯虎打响指叫来石榴。

石：（奔来）What can I do for you?

唐：Prepare writing brushes, ink sticks, paper and ink stones for me.

石：Ok, I’ll be back soon.

石榴送来笔墨纸砚，唐一面观察秋香一面作画。

石：You’re so great! You can not only sing, but also paint. How beautiful I am in your

painting!

唐作好画。

唐：Miss 石，you’re so beautiful, and we are good friends, right?

石：Yes, we’re more than friends. (害羞)

唐：Can you do me a favor?

石：I’ll do everything for you!

唐：Cool. Can you help me to send this to 秋香? Thanks a lot!

石：What? (由喜转怒，把画抢过来走了)

石：(毁画)You should paint 秋香! I won’t give it to her!

石榴见到秋香。

石：This is what 华安 gives to you !

秋：I don’t want it.

石：It’s your business. Here you are.

(秋香打开画，哭了)

秋：A scholar would die rather than be humiliated.

(路上遇到唐伯虎)

唐：(兴奋地问)Have you received my present, miss?

秋：Heng! (转身离去)

唐：It seems that I fail again. (叹气)

石榴来。

石：Hua sir hopes you can do something for him.

唐：It’s a piece of cake. About what?

石：He wants you to write a notice for him.

唐：(不耐烦的)To be specific.

石：秋香 will be married soon. A contest will be held to choose her future husband. 唐：It’s really god’s help! No one can be the first except me.

石：What? No! You and me are a born couple. (不满委屈)

Scene five

Madam Hua：Ladies and gen… No ,every gentleman here, thank you for your coming.

You must have heard that I have a maid called 秋香, who is famous for her talent and beauty. I treat her as my own daughter and want to find a satisfying husband for her in this contest. Everyone who wants to get 秋香, come on! This is your show time!

石榴：Now let me introduce five special guests for you.

The first one: 黄飞鸿（音乐起：男儿当自强）

The second one: 许文强（音乐起：上海滩）

The third one: 包青天（音乐起：包青天）

The forth one: 霍元甲（音乐起：霍元甲）

The fifth one: 樱木花道（音乐起：灌篮高手）

唐伯虎上。

唐: Don’t compete with me. 秋香is mine!

石: Action!

众人上，把唐伯虎围住，殴打。唐伯虎从中逃出。黄飞鸿把众人扫倒。二人皆胜 出，对峙。

Madam Hua: (对观众)The two gentlemen are neck and neck. They can be called

talents. This must be a more fierce competition. Every one of you, don’t go away.

(对二人)Each of you will have one minute to deliver your love words towards

秋香. It is 秋香 who will decide her future husband.

黄：Go with me. (拉住秋香)

唐：Stop!

（音乐起：眼泪）

唐：(深情地，泪眼汪汪的)

The furthest distance in the world

Is not between life and death

But when I stand in front of you

Yet you don’t know that

I love you…

秋：(深深感动，对华夫人说)I choose him(指唐). Now can you tell me who you are?

I don’t believe that you are just a page boy, for you have such outstanding talent. 唐：Ha Ha Ha Ha…You are right. I am the famous, handsome, humors, lovely guy

who ranks the first of the four talents in Jiangnan——唐—伯—虎!

秋：How dare you cover the fact for such a long time? I must teach you a lesson! （抡

起棍子）