辛普森一家(the Simpsons)第一季对白 (8)

1

You know, Bart,

when I was your age,

2

I pulled a few boners.

3

But I think you'll find

that people are pretty decent...

4

- if you give them half-

- Look! There it is-

5

- The head!

- Kill him!

6

They got us cornered, boy.

We'll never get away. Give me the head.

7

No, Dad. This whole thing

was my fault.

8

- You run along.

- Son, we're in this mess together.

9

No matter how

tempting it might be,

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I can't let my only boy get ripped

limb from limb by a bloodthirsty mob.

11

- Aw, Dad.

- We'll die together, like a father and son should.

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Look.

Now we'vegot 'em.

13

- Hey, that's Homer Simpson.

- And his kid, Bart.

14

- Let's kill them!

- Bring 'em out!

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- off the kid, man. Off him!

- Kill Bart!

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- Kill Homer!

- Let's kill this guy!

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Murderous mob,

I beg you to spare our lives.

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At least until you've heard

the story of how we ended up...

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with the head

ofour beloved town founder.

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How long will

this story take?

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Uh, about 23 minutes

and 5 seconds.

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- It's too long!

- 23:05?

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Well, all right.

Go ahead.

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Okay. It all started

Sunday morning.

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Kids!

We're late for church.

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Get your butts

down here right now!

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- Ready for inspection, Mom.

- Very nice, Maggie.

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And, Lisa,

you look lovely.

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Bart,

assume the position.

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- Ohh!

- Bart.

31

Now where's your father?

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- Phillips has broken free.

- Get 'em. Get 'em!

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- The 50, the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10.

- Oh, no!

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- Touchdown! -

Homer? - D'oh!

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A 64-yardrun!

We've got an upset in the making!

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No, we don't.

Ty being objective for once in- Oh?

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- Let's go, Homer.

- But you don't understand, Marge.

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I have 50 bucks

riding on this game.

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Homer,

you promised me.

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- This isn't gambling, Marge.

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- It's a lead-pipe cinch.

- Here's the kick off.

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Wolodarsky takes it at the five.

And oh, my. He fumbles!

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- Oh, no!

- Another touchdown!

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- Come on.

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Why should I feel like a traffic cop

every Sunday morning?

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I'm just tying to get

a little goodness into the family.

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- Where is it? The game! Where is it?

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- Ahh!

- ... got Wolodarsky open in the end zone.

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- Catch it. Catch it.

- It's complete. Touchdown!

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All right!

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Oh, Doctor, we got

a barnburner here.

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This could be the most remarkable

comeback since Lazarus rose from the dead.

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Laza who?

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Come on, eveybody.

We're late.

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Bart, I want you to promise me you'll

pay attention in Sunday school.

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Bart. Bart?

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- Bart!

- Whoa! Are you talking to me?

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What's this?

A personal stereo.

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Were you going to listen

to rock music in Sunday school?

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- Maybe.

- Can you believe this, Homer? Homer?

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- Homer!

- No, no, no! We stink. We stink.

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...the 40, the 30,

the 20, the 10. Touchdown!

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Homer,

were you planning on sitting

in the car till the game was over?

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- Maybe.

- It's because of your irreverent attitude...

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that Bart thinks he can sneak

headphones into Sunday school.

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- Now move it!

- Now here's the kickoff. Wolodarsky takes it.

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And oh my. He fumbles!

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Will my dog Pepper

be there?

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I'm sorry,

but the answer is no.

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- Why not?

- Because heaven is for people.

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What about my cat,

Snowball?

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I'm sorry,

but the answer is no.

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- Will there be cavemen in heaven?

- Certainly not.

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Um, ma'am, what if you're

a really good person,

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but you're in a really,

really bad fight...

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and your leg gets gangrene,

and it has to be amputated.

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Will it be waiting

for you in heaven?

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For the last time,

Bart, yes!

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- I'd like to begin today's

sermon, which I have entitled,

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"Gambling,

the Eighth Deadly Sin. "

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Today is Sunday,

the Lord's day,

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and yet,

at this vey moment,

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millions of americans

are not in the Lord's house.

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They're in their own house

worshipping a false idol-

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professional football.

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- Oh, Lord-

- It's a beautiful Sunday.

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Perfect football weather

for this incredible game.

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- And by the way,

this game is being brought to you...

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by the good people

at Duffbeer.

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You can't get enough...

of that wonderful Duff.

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Now they're lining up

fort his crucial kick.

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One final tick

of the clock remains.

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If they win, it will cap

anamazing comeback.

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But it's a 49-yardfieldgoal

into the wind.

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Make it! Make it!

Make it! Make it!

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- The kick is up.

- Oh, please, please, please, please!

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- Holy Toledo, it's good!

- It's good! It's good! It's good!

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It's... good to see

you all in church.

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- Please, be seated, Homer.

- Yeah, sit down, Homer.

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The ventriloquist goes to heaven,

but the dummy doesn't.

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- Oh, oh, oh! Me!

- Bart?

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What about a robot

with a human brain?

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I don't know!

All these questions!

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Is a little blind faith

too much to ask?

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- Yea!

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Don't forget next week.

Remember to read-

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That was very nice,

Father.

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I was pleased

you enjoyed it.

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I seemed to have struck a chord

with you today, Homer.

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What? Oh, yeah,

you were great.

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- Homer.

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Homer, you embarrassed us in front

of the whole congregation.

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And today's sermon was one

you should have really listened to.

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- What was it about?

- Gambling.

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Oh. He didn't say that under certain

circumstances it was all right, did he?

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No! Look. I don't want to talk about

this anymore in front of the kids.

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Lisa, Bart,

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what did you two learn

in Sunday school today?

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The answers to deep

theological questions.

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Yeah. Among other things,

apes can't get into heaven.

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What? Those cute

little monkey

s?

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- That's terrible. Who told you that?

- Our teacher.

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I can understand how they wouldn't

let in those wild jungle apes,

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but what about those really

smart ones who live among us,

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who roller-skate

and smoke cigars?

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Oh, cool, man.

Space Mutants 4.

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Drop me off!.

Drop me off!.

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- No way, Jose.

- Marge, they're only space mutants.

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Uh-uh. I know what

those movies are like.

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Killing innocent people,

eating human flesh.

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You'll just get

a lot of bad ideas.

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Hey, Dad.

Can I have five bucks?

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I hope you're not planning

to see a certain movie...

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starring certain

space mutants...

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that a certain mother didn't

want you to see.

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Perish the thought.

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Here you go, son. Share the wealth.

That's what I always say.

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Ooh!

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Da da da da da

Whoa! Whoa!

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Ooh, cowabunga!

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- Hey, hot dog!

- What?

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- Nice dismount, man.

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- Didn't hurt.

- Oh, yeah? Well, do it again.

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Nah. Might land on my face

and end up looking like you.

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- You little punk!

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Hey, man, leave the kid alone.

I like him.

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- You do?

- Yeah, you're witty.

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- So what's your name, man?

- I'm Bart Simpson.

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This here's Kearny,

and I'm Jimbo.

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You don't need an introduction.

You're the worst kid in school.

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- Thanks.

- Psst. Coast is clear.

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You guys

are sneaking in?

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- Yeah. Only saps pay to see movies.

- Hey, Bart, come on!

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But sneaking into a movie is

practically stealing, man.

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- " Practically"?

- It is stealing.

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Well, okay. I just wanted to make sure

we weren't deluding ourselves.

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Wait! I think

I hear something.

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Oh, come on.

Loosen up, babe.

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There's nobody here

but you and me.

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No. Stop it!

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I think I hear something...

not human.

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Let's get romantic.

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Well, okay.

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You little sneaks,

you're coming with me.

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Next time you little hoodlums

ty this, I'm calling your parents!

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Oh, yeah? Well, we don't wanna see

your crummy movie anyway.

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Yeah. We'll take

our business elsewhere.

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You know, Bart.

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I've been kicked out

of all four Space Mutant movies.

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Wow, man.

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Three jumbo

chery squisheys,

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- and one double jumbo original flavor, sir.

- Okay.

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Don't you kids take anything.

I'm watching you.

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- I've got eyes in the back of my head.

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- Four fifty-two.

- Don't worry, guys. It's on me.

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Share the wealth.

That's what I always say.

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Guys?

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Guys?

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Hey, guys.

Where'd you get all that great stuff?

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Five-finger discount,

man.

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- You ripped it off?

- Yeah. Thanks for covering for us, man.

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- Go on, Bart.

- But that guy founded Springfield.

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He built our first hospital

out of logs and mud.

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If it weren't for him,

all the settlers wou

ld have died...

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in the great blizzard

of '48.

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So?

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So...

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watch me hit him

right between the eyes.

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What are you doing? Show a little

respect, you insolent little thugs.

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We're really scared.

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Hey! Hey, you!

Hey! Hey, you!

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You know, when you

look up at clouds in the sky,

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they start looking

like stuff.

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- No, they don't.

- Yeah, they do.

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Like that one over there

looks just like a cherry bomb.

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Hey, you're right.

And look at that one.

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It looks like a guy with

a switchblade stuck in his back.

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Yeah, that one

looks like a school bus...

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going over a cliff in flames,

with kids inside screaming.

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That one looks just like the statue of

our town founder, Jebediah Springfield.

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- Does not.

- Does too.

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- I mean, without the head, of course.

- Oh, yeah.

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I wish someone really would cut

his ugly old head off.

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- You do?

- Yeah, that'd be cool.

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Sure would cheese

eveybody off.

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But, guys, come on.

Don't you remember history class?

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Jebediah once killed

a bear with his bare hands.

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- Oh, sorry.

- We forgot how much you love Jebediah Springfield.

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- Yeah, he's your boyfriend.

- Yeah!

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- Come on, guys. Knock it off.

- Beat it, Simpson.

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Man, I thought

you were cool.

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Beat it, Simpson.

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Man, I thought

you were cool.

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Aha!

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Wow! Look at these

bowling balls, Maggie.

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Can you think of a better way for

Daddy to spend his hard-won 50 bucks?

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Now I've seen everything.

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Black marbleized

with a liquid center.

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"The Stealth Bowler:

The pins don't know what hit them. "

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Dad, can I talk to you

about something?

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Sure, boy.

What's on your mind?

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Well, I was wondering.

How important is it to be popular?

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I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular

is the most important thing in the world.

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So, like, sometimes you could

do stuff you think is pretty bad...

225

so other kids

will like you better?

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- You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?

- No.

227

- Are you?

- No!

228

Then run along,

you little scamp.

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A boy without mischiefis like a

bowling ball without a liquid center.

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What have I done?

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Bart, are you allright?

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Uh, yeah.

Top of the world, Ma.

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Well, then come down

for breakfast.

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- Ooh! Look at this one.

235

"The Hammer of Thor:

It will send your pins to...

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Val-halla. " Lisa?

237

Valhalla is where Vikings

go when they die.

238

Oh.

That's some ball.

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Good morning,

eveybody.

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We interrupt "Mamboin the Morning"...

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to bring you

this special news bulletin.

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The statue of Jebediah Springfield,

our illustrious town founder,

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- was brutally decapitated last night...

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in an act

of senseless vandalism.

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We now go to Police

Chief Wiggum

at City Hall.

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Well, we have no witnesses,

no suspects, and no leads.

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If anyone has any information,

please dial "O" and ask for the police.

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That number again,"O."

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Stay tuned to this station...

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for further developments as they break.

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- It's just a statue.

- The statue of the trail blazing founder of our town.

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It's a symbol of what we can all do

if we put our minds to it.

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Just a statue?

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Is the Statue of Liberty

just a statue?

255

Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza

just a statue?

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- Uh-oh. School bus.

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Come on, Lis.

School bus.

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Go on, Lisa. We've all got

to be brave, just like Jebediah...

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- when he killed that bear.

- It's so awful.

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Okay, come on,

come on, everybody.

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We gotta get on

with our lives.

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Let's ty and put

this tragedy behind us.

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You're right, Moe.

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A beer, please, and make sure

there's a head on it.

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I said it before, and I'll say it again.

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" Hell in a handbasket!"

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I hope they find

the punk who did this,

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and I hope

they cut his head off.

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Yeah!

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Hi, guys.

What's up?

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We were saying we'd love to meet the

guy who cut off the head of that statue.

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- Yeah, we wish he were here right now.

273

Oh, really?

274

Yeah, we'd break every bone

in his stupid little body.

275

- Yeah, that's right, man. Limb by limb.

- Yeah!

276

What? But-But yesterday,

didn't you say it would be cool...

277

to cut off the head,

and really cheese everybody off?

278

Yeah, that was

just cloud talk, man.

279

Yeah. I mean, throwing rocks

is one thing,

280

but I would never cut

the head off of a guy...

281

who iced a bear

with his bare hands.

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- So what's in the bag, Bart?

- My head.

283

- I said, what's in the bag, Bart?

284

Go ahead, Bart. Tell them.

285

It's the head

of Jebediah Springfield.

286

I gotta go!

287

Look what you've done.

You wanted to be popular.

288

Now you're the most

hated boy in town.

289

You're not really talking to me.

You're just my overactive imagination.

290

- Oh, I am, am I?

- Shut up.

291

I wanted them

to like me.

292

Hmm.

The child seems rattled.

293

- Can you blame him?

- No. No, I can't.

294

There, there, Mr. Burns.

Blow, sir.

295

Hey, Bart,

where are you going?

296

- Uh, to my room.

- Why don't you watch Krusty the Clown?

297

There's someone out there in Krustyland

who has committed an atrocity.

298

If you know who cut off

Jebediah's head-

299

I don't care if it's your brother,

your sister, your daddy or your mommy-

300

turn them in,

and Krusty will send you...

301

- a free slide whistle

just like Sideshow Bob's.

302

- Wait a minute.

303

I hope you're not planning to do

what I think you're doing.

304

Sorry, man.

It's either you or me.

305

You know, Bart, you do

n't

have to found a town to be a hero.

306

Sometimes a hero

could be a young boy...

307

with the courage to stand up

and admit he's made a mistake.

308

Yeah, well, I'm running

a little short on courage right now.

309

Aah!

310

Anyway, think about it,

will you, son?

311

Jebediah Obediah

Zachariahjedediah Springfield...

312

came West in 1838.

313

Along the way,

he met a ferocious bear...

314

and killed him

with his bare hands.

315

That's " B-A-R-E" hands.

316

Although modern historians

recently uncovered evidence...

317

that the bear, in fact,

probably killed him.

318

- But whether bear killed man-

- Mom. Dad.

319

- I knew it all along!

- Why, Bart? Why?

320

Yeah, why?

You little-

321

Because I wanted

some really bad kids to like me.

322

Somehow I got the idea

that being popular...

323

was the most important

thing in the world.

324

- Where did you get a

ridiculous idea like that? - Uh-

325

Lay off

the boy, Marge.

326

He's a good kid.

Quit giving him the third degree.

327

Homer, did you have

something to do with this?

328

Well, maybe I am

a little responsible.

329

- A little?

- Come on, son.

330

Let's take the head thing

back to the authorities.

331

You know, Bart,

when I was your age,

332

I pulled a few boners.

333

But I think you'll find people

are pretty decent...

334

- if you give them half-

- Look! There it is-

335

- The head!

- Kill 'em!

336

- Allright. Allright.

- Allright, already.

337

- We know this part.

- Oh, yeah, right.

338

Well, that's my story.

339

And if you still wanna tear apart

this young Sunday school student...

340

as he stands on the brink

of salvation,

341

- I await your wrath.

- Aw!

342

- Somehow I don't feel like killing anymore.

- Neither do I.

343

Dad.

344

- Forgive me, sir.

- No problem, Bart.

345

Look!

It's glorious.

346

It's beautiful, man.

347

- I love you, Smithers.

- The feeling is more than mutual, sir.

348

Whoo!

349

Good going, son.

350

But remember-

Most lynch mobs aren't this nice.

351

Subtitles By

Captions Inc. Los Angeles

352

Shh!