关于秋天的童话
关于秋天的童话
Roaming on the path among the trees, I threw my sentiment into the blue sky, which landed on the ground of my Alma Mater,and brought me back to the day three years ago.
That was a day in fall, that was a fall in my heart. Shatters swung in the air, just like golden butterflies dancing in the breeze. The sunset cast her afterglow on the ground, as well as on her dazzling pink face. After a long silence, I looked into her clear eyes, whispered to her that I wondered whether I had a position in her future. She thought it for a while, walking back and forth. I noticed she trembled lips several times and let out no words. Finally, she turned to me and flashed a wry smile:"Sorfy, I feel that distance makes beauty, Let＇s just be good friends." I could never forget that sentence, just like a bolt from the blue. It hit me like a thousand knives stabbing all over my body. I couldn＇t breathe, I couldn＇t think, at least not about anything but the pain. Gazing at her receding figure, I couldn＇t stop tears wetting my pale cheeks. The tale ended with the girl＇s disappearance from my sight.
Now fall comes again. I left myself nothing but the broken memories.
简评
乍看题目，似乎觉得作者准备写一篇神话故事，或跟神话有关的话题。这里作者写的是另类"维纳斯"。爱神看不见，摸不着，却又无处不在。
作者采取倒叙的手法，展示了令人难忘的感情历程。秋天本是收获的季节，作者选择这个时候向意中人表露心迹，耐人寻味。微风习习，夕阳西下，心爱的女神近在眼前，却又是那么遥不可及。当作者以试探的口吻将藏在心中很久的心事说出来以后，得到的回答却使作者大失所望。难怪作者至今还念念不忘那段不堪回首的往事。
作者驾驭语言的能力较强，在That was a day ln fall，that was afall ln my heart中用了两次fall，但一词多义，十分恰当。作者还应该进一步锤炼语言运用的能力，不断提高语言素养。