挽救生命的白玫瑰

　　[美] 贾瓦・奎因

　　李起 编译

　　

　　I walked down the hall towards my classroom. John had sent me a dozen white roses to mark my first- year teaching. I remember thinking that life is fantastic. I have a noble job. I have wonderful friends. I have a beautiful child. And I have remarkable students. I walked down the hall and heard several comments on how beautiful the pure white roses were. I tilted my head in and inhaled slightly. The beautiful fragrance tickled my nose and I smiled again. He is so thoughtful.

　　I was lost in thought when I felt a bump. I struggled to steady the large vase. I looked back and noticed Amber. She is an average looking young girl who will be a beautiful woman. When she smiles I see all of the goodness that she has to offer. She is always the first to help a student when they are struggling and the last to leave, because she is helping the teacher clean up. She is in the Choir as well as being on the Girls Volleyball team. I think how proud her parents must be.

　　“Amber. Honey, you need to be careful to watch where you are going. I almost dropped everything.” I said. She turned around and looked at me. I stared back. Something is different, I thought . Her hair is not as neat as it usually is. She is not wearing any lip gloss. Her shirt is wrinkled. And if I am not mistaken, it looks like she has been crying. I looked again at her eyes and wait for her to respond. “Sorry, Ms. K.” She turns to walk away.

　　“Amber.” I said again.

　　She turns towards me but avoids eye contact. “Yes, Ms. K.”

　　“What is going on?” I asked. I know that something is wrong. Amber never looks away to avoid a conversation. She will just tell you she is too busy and make plans to talk later. Her noncommittal response concerned me “Look at me, Amber... I know you. You know me. Do you really think I will let this drop.” She looks up and a single tear runs down her cheek. She stands there staring into my eyes. The look is so haunting that I press the issue. “Why don’t we go to my room and talk?” I start to turn and I look to see if there is a response. Nothing. No movement, not a flinch. “Amber, I need you to come with me.” I said more firmly.

　　“I can’t. I need to get to the counselor’s office. Can I come by after class?” I responded with a yes but knew she wouldn’t come by. She turned to leave and I noticed the shrink of her shoulders.

　　“Amber. Wait. I need to tell you something.” She turned and looked at me with her vacant eyes. “You are one of the most beautiful spirits I have ever seen. You radiate goodness. I want you to know that what ever you are going through I will understand. God will understand.” To mention anything about God is wrong in a public school. I didn’t care. I felt that I had to get my point across. “God loves you . Your parents love you. I love you. One day you will look back and know that this day was special.” I reached out my hand and gently touched hers. I noticed how cold she felt. I sent up a silent prayer. God help Amber. Help her to see how good she is. “I want you to have these.” I placed the vase of perfect white roses in her hands. “Remember you are as beautiful and precious as these roses.”

　　Her vacant eyes looked back at me and she gave me a slight smile as she turned to leave. For some reason I felt a deep loss. I turned and began to walk to my classroom “God, Amber needs you. Please let my words have meaning. I fear she will need them in the days to come.” When I got to my room I looked around and saw the bare walls and I felt a sudden chill. I reached for the last of my boxes and cleared out my room for the summer.

　　School started back in August and I wondered again about Amber. The third day of school I walked into the teachers’ lounge. There sat the most beautiful vase of white roses. “Oh, look.” I said. “How beautiful. I wonder whose they are.” I said as I tilted my head to breathe in aroma of the beauty.

　　“They are yours.” someone said. I looked quizzically at the card on the table and took it to read. It just said “Thank you”. But there was a short letter on pink paper and it read. “Dear Ms. K. Thank you for saving my life. That one act of kindness allowed me to feel hope. It opened my heart and my mind. It gave me peace. I looked at the roses and saw its beauty. I had a plan that day. A plan to kill myself. My parents were out of town and I wanted to die. You showed me that someone does care. I called my mom and told her my plan and we talked and prayed about it. I never would have told her if it wasn’t for the roses. You see I just couldn’t let them die. Just like you couldn’t let me die. You were right, that day was special. It was the day that I realized God loved me and I loved him. Thank you.”

　　Tears were streaming down my face. I never saw Amber again. But every time I see white roses I think of her and the day God saved her life. It was a special day.

　　

　　我下了大厅，向教室走去。约翰送给我一打白玫瑰，庆祝我第一年的教学工作。我想起了一种信念：生命是美好的。我拥有一份高尚的职业。我拥有极好的朋友。我拥有一个漂亮的孩子。而且我拥有出色的学生。我走下大厅时，听到了几句纯白色玫瑰是那样美丽的评论。我侧头于玫瑰花中，轻轻吸了口气。美妙的芬芳令我的鼻子发痒，我又笑了笑。他真体贴。

　　我想得出了神，这时，我感到被撞了一下。我奋力拿稳了大花瓶。我回头瞧了瞧，看见了安贝尔。她是一个相貌普通的小姑娘，但长大后会漂亮的。她微笑时，我看到了她自然流露出的所有美德。学生们学习吃力时，她总是第一个去帮同学，并且总是最后一个离开，因为她要帮老师打扫卫生。她是校合唱团的成员，还参加了女子排球队。我想，她的父母一定为她感到自豪。

　　“安贝尔。亲爱的，你走路要小心。我几乎把手里的东西都摔掉了。”我说。她转过身来，望着我。我也注视着她。与平时有什么不一样，我想。她的头发没有平时整齐。她没搽任何唇彩。她的衬衫起了皱褶。如果我没错的话，她似乎哭过。我又看了看她的眼睛，期待着她的回答。“请原谅，K女士。”她转身走开了。

　　“安贝尔。”我又叫道。

　　她转身面对着我，却避开目光的接触。“噢，K女士。”

　　“发生了什么事？”我问道。我确信出事了。安贝尔绝不会因避开一次谈话而把脸扭过去。她只会告诉你她太忙了，打算以后再聊。她含糊的回答令我担心:“看着我，安贝尔……我了解你。你也了解我。你真的以为我会不管这件事吗？”她抬起头，一滴泪珠滑下了她的脸颊。她站在那儿，凝视着我的眼睛。眼神那样令人难忘，于是我又提出那个话题。“我们为什么不去教室聊聊呢？”我开始转身，看看是否有反应。没有什么反应。没动静，一动也没动。“安贝尔，我要你跟我一起来。”我更加坚定地说。

　　“我不能跟您去。我要去辅导员办公室。我能下课后去您那里吗？”我回答说，可以，可我知道她不会去。她转身离开了，我看见她畏缩的双肩。

　　“安贝尔。等一下。我要对你说件事。”她转回身，双眼失神地看着我。“你是我曾见过的最美丽的精灵。你洋溢着美德。我想让你知道你正在经历的任何事情我都会理解。上帝都会理解。”在一所公立学校谈及有关上帝的任何事情都是不适宜的。我不在乎了。我觉得必须让她理解我的意思，“上帝爱你。你的父母爱你。我爱你。将来有一天，你回顾过去，就知道今天是不寻常的。”我伸出手，轻柔地触摸着她的手。我看出她感觉有多么寒冷。我默默地祈祷，上帝帮帮安伯，帮助她看见自己是多么优秀吧。“我希望你拥有这些玫瑰，”我把那瓶完美的白玫瑰放在她的手中时说道，“记住你就宛如这些玫瑰花一样美丽而珍贵。”

　　她茫然的双眼回望着我，转身离去时，朝我笑了一下。莫名地，我有一种强烈的失落感。我转身开始向教室走去:“上帝啊，安贝尔需要您。请让我说的话有意义吧。我恐怕在以后的日子里，她会需要它们。”我到了教室，环视四周，看到了光秃秃的墙壁，蓦地感到一阵寒冷。我伸手拿起了最后一个箱子,为暑假而清理了教室。

　　8月，全校师生返校了。我再次想到了安贝尔。开学的第三天，我走进教师休息室。那儿放着一瓶最美丽的白玫瑰。“啊，瞧。”我说。“多美啊。我想知道它们是谁的。”我边说边埋头于里面呼吸着美妙的芳香。

　　“是给你的，”有人说道。我带着探询的眼神看着桌子上的卡片，把它拿起来阅读。上面只写着“谢谢您”。但是在粉红色的纸上有一封短信，它写道，“亲爱的K女士，感谢您挽救了我的生命。您那个善意的举动使我感受到了希望。它开启了我的心灵和我的意识。它给予我安宁。我望着玫瑰花，看到了它的美丽。那天，我原本有一个打算。我打算自杀。我父母出城去了（不在家），我打算自杀。您让我看到了确实有人关爱着我。我给妈妈打了电话，告诉她我的打算，我们谈了心，并为这件事而祈祷。如果不是因为这些白玫瑰，我不会告诉她。您瞧，我就是不让它们死去，正如您不会让我去死。您说得没错，那天是不寻常的。那一天，我意识到上帝爱我，我也爱他。谢谢您。”

　　我泪流满面。我从未再见过安贝尔。可是我每次看见白玫瑰，都会想起她，想起上帝挽救了她生命的那一天。那是一个不寻常的日子。

　　（责编：王莉娟）