东城作文讲评-英语演讲比赛

东城一模写作讲评(学生版)

第一节（15分）假设你是李华, 刚刚在全市英语口语竞赛中获得冠军.请你给Green先生写一封信,感谢他花时间为你辅导口语,并给了你许多非常好的建议

审题：文体 ________ 时态 __________ 人称 __________ 优点: 1.感谢信的格式正确(首尾表示感谢) 2. 要点表达清晰准确

出现的问题:

1. 开头结尾段应除了表达感谢之外,要体现必要的交际性.

例: How are you recently? I’d like to share a piece of good news with you…

Again, thank you for all your help. I’m looking forward to seeing you in the near future.

2. 获奖的消息应在文章开始提出来.

3. 应适当增添细节(怎么辅导的?什么样的建议?)

It’s very kind of you to spend time helping me with my oral English. Whenever I Made a mistake, you were always there to correct it for me with patience. Besides, you did give me useful advice, such as listening to English songs as well as watching English movies.

4. 表达的准确性有待提高.

竞赛_____________ 冠军(n.)___________(v.) 建议_______________(可数)__________(不可数)

英语口语竞赛______________________ 取得进步＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_______ 用thanks to, thanks, thank来填空．

1. Many ________ for the articles you sent me last week.

2. Remember to __________ Uncle Robin when you see him.

3. _____________ his tireless efforts, the concert was a huge success.

Possible version

Dear Mr. Green,

How is your stay in Zhuhai? Now I am writing to express my thanks to you for all your help to me.

I would like to share with you a piece of good news: I won the first place in the Spoken English Competition of our city. The achievement that I gained is owed to your kind help. You spent so much time in helping me with my spoken English and give me lots of good advice, from which I benefited a lot during the competition. It is with your help that I built up confidence and made rapid progress.

Again, many thanks for your kind and warm help. I’m looking forward to seeing you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Li Hua

学生范文：

Dear Mr. Green,

I’m very glad to tell you that I have won the first prize in the “Beijing English Speech Contest” with your kind help. I’m writing to express my hearty thanks to you.

During the preparation of the contest, I was bothered with so many difficulties in my

oral English. And it was your patient guidance and sincere encouragement that helped me build up my confidence and make progress rapidly. What’s more, you were so kind to give me some practical advice on how to speak English clearly and fluently. Your advice was so helpful that it contributed a lot to my success in the contest.

Once again, I’m very grateful for your spending time and effort to instruct me. I’m looking forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely, Li Hua

高三4 李思佳

第二节：情景作文（20分）

第二节（20分）假设你是红星中学的学生李华。

请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序，为校刊“英语园地”

写一篇短文，讲述上学期你参加英语演讲比赛的过程。

词数不少于60。

一 审题

文体: 人称: 时态:

要点 细节

图1 看通知

图2 老师鼓励

图3 老师辅导

图4 获奖

感受

优点：详略安排，情绪渲染等方面有进步

改进：

1．审题不清，开头表述有误(上学期的比赛)

比较：Last term, on entering the gate, the posters of a competition attracted my eyes.

Last term, I took part in the English Speech Contest, which left me an unforgettable experience.

2．征稿不应在开头自我介绍 I’m LiHua…

3．图１写太啰嗦， 图２写太简略

比较：At that moment, my English teacher came to encouraged me to have a try.

When I was hesitating whether to give up, my English teacher came here by accident. She encouraged me to have a try. And she also said that she would help me. With her encouragement, I decided to sign up.

4．图３与图４之间应有必要的过渡，参赛的情节要写出来。

Then came the big day. With great confidence, I performed perfectly in the contest and won the first prize. Standing on the stage of the award ceremony, I felt excited and appreciated my teacher.

5. 提高表达的准确性

耐心＿＿＿＿＿＿(n.) ___________(adj.)

超出我的期望＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿缺乏信心___________________________ 不想让她失望_________________________在某人的帮助下______________________ 在某人的努力下______________________ 在某人的指导下______________________ 改错

1. I performed very well in the speech, winning the first prize.

2. Finishing my performance confidently, the applauding burst out like thunders.

3. But for your help, I couldn’t make such a great progress.

Possible version:

Last term an English speech contest was held in our school.

Seeing the notice, many students took interest in it. My English teacher thought it was a good chance for me to improve my English and encouraged me to take part. So I decided to have a try. During the preparation, my teacher offered me great help. She not only polished my speech draft but also corrected my pronunciation. As a result, my speech improved greatly. Then the day for the competition came. I did a good job and got the first prize!

I owed it all to my teacher. Without her help, I wouldn’t have got such a good result.

优秀范文

Last term, I took part in the English speech Competition held by our school.

Early in the morning , wall papers were put up on the billboard to introduce the topic and the rules of the competition. Soon, it attracted many students’ attention, including mine.

However, as English is not my strong point, the chance for me to win was rare. When I decided to give up, my English teacher, Mrs. Zhang, showed up and encouraged me to have a try. Finally, I made up my mind to take part in the competition.

During my preparation for the contest, Mrs. Zhang helped me a lot. Not only did she give me helpful advice, she also spent her spare time polishing my speech. With her help, I gained confidence gradually.

Finally came the competition. To my great surprise and delight, I won the first prize. The audiences gave me laud applaud to show their appreciation. However, I owe my success to Mrs. Zhang. But for her patience and her precious time, I wouldn’t have won the prize.

东城一模写作讲评（教师版）

第一节（15分）假设你是李华, 刚刚在全市英语口语竞赛中获得冠军.请你给Green先生写一封信,感谢他花时间为你辅导口语,并给了你许多非常好的建议

审题：文体 感谢信 时态 过去 人称 第一

优点: 1.感谢信的格式正确(首尾表示感谢) 2. 要点表达清晰准确

出现的问题:

1. 开头结尾段应除了表达感谢之外,要体现必要的交际性.

例: How are you recently? I’d like to share a good news with you…

Again, thank you for all your help. I’m looking forward to seeing you in the near future.

2. 获奖的消息应在文章开始提出来.

3. 应适当增添细节(怎么辅导的?什么样的建议?)

It’s very kind of you to spend time helping me with my oral English. Whenever I Made a mistake, you were always there to correct it for me with patience. Besides, you did give me useful advice, such as listening to English songs as well as watching English movies.

4. 表达的准确性有待提高.

竞赛competition 冠军 champion pronounce(v.)

建议 suggestions(可数) advice(不可数)

英语口语竞赛 Spoken English Competition 取得进步 make progress 用thanks to, thanks, thank来填空．

4. 5. 6. Possible version

Dear Mr. Green,

How is your stay in Zhuhai? Now I am writing to express my thanks to you for all your help to me.

I would like to share with you a piece of good news: I won the first place in the Spoken English Competition of our city. The achievement that I gained is owed to your kind help. You spent so much time in helping me with my spoken English and give me lots of good advice, from which I benefited a lot during the competition. It is with your help that I built up confidence and made rapid progress.

Again, many thanks for your kind and warm help. I’m looking forward to seeing you soon.

Yours sincerely, Li Hua

学生范文：

Dear Mr. Green,

I’m very glad to tell you that I have won the first prize in the “Beijing English Speech

Contest” with your kind help. I’m writing to express my hearty thanks to you.

During the preparation of the contest, I was bothered with so many difficulties in my oral English. And it was your patient guidance and sincere encouragement that helped me build up my confidence and make progress rapidly. What’s more, you were so kind to give me some practical advice on how to speak English clearly and fluently. Your advice was so helpful that it contributed a lot to my success in the contest.

Once again, I’m very grateful for your spending time and effort to instruct me. I’m looking forward to your reply.

Yours sincerely, Li Hua

高三4 李思佳

第二节：情景作文（20分）

第二节（20分）假设你是红星中学的学生李华。

请根据以下四幅图的先后顺序，为校刊“英语园地”

写一篇短文，讲述上学期你参加英语演讲比赛的过程。

词数不少于60。

一 审题

文体: 人称: 时态:

要点 细节

图1 看通知 通知栏 吸引 犹豫

图2 老师鼓励 地点 时间(与图1一致) 鼓励尝试 承诺帮助 信心大增 图3 老师辅导 办公室 指导 耐心

图4 获奖 演讲成功 领奖 鼓掌 感激

感受 感谢老师，有信心迎接更多挑战

优点：详略安排，情绪渲染等方面有进步

改进：

2．审题不清，开头表述有误(上学期的比赛)

比较：Last term, on entering the gate, the posters of a competition attracted my eyes.

Last term, I took part in the English Speech Contest, which left me an unforgettable experience.

2．征稿不应在开头自我介绍 I’m LiHua…

3．图１写太啰嗦， 图２写太简略

比较：At that moment, my English teacher came to encouraged me to have a try.

When I was hesitating whether to give up, my English teacher came here by accident. She encouraged me to have a try. And she also said that she would help me. With her encouragement, I decided to sign up.

4．图３与图４之间应有必要的过渡，参赛的情节要写出来。

Then came the big day. With great confidence, I performed perfectly in the contest and won the first prize. Standing on the stage of the award ceremony, I felt excited and appreciated my teacher.

5. 提高表达的准确性

耐心 patience(n.) patient(adj.)

超出我的期望out of my expectation 缺乏信心 the/my lack of confidence 不想让她失望unwilling to let her down 在某人的帮助下with one’s help

在某人的努力下with one’s efforts 在某人的指导下under one’s guidance 用always, often, usually填空

改错

5. I performed very well in the speech, winning the first prize.

6. Finishing my performance confidently, the applauding burst out like thunders.

7. But for your help, I couldn’t make such a great progress.

Possible version:

Last term an English speech contest was held in our school.

Seeing the notice, many students took interest in it. My English teacher thought it was a good chance for me to improve my English and encouraged me to take part. So I decided to have a try. During the preparation, my teacher offered me great help. She not only polished my speech draft but also corrected my pronunciation. As a result, my speech improved greatly. Then the day for the competition came. I did a good job and got the first prize!

I owed it all to my teacher. Without her help, I wouldn’t have got such a good result.

优秀范文

Last term, I took part in the English speech Competition held by our school.

Early in the morning , wall papers were put up on the billboard to introduce the topic and the rules of the competition. Soon, it attracted many students’ attention, including mine.

However, as English is not my strong point, the chance for me to win was rare. When I decided to give up, my English teacher, Mrs. Zhang, showed up and encouraged me to have a try. Finally, I made up my mind to take part in the competition.

During my preparation for the contest, Mrs. Zhang helped me a lot. Not only did she give me helpful advice, she also spent her spare time polishing my speech. With her help, I gained confidence gradually.

Finally came the competition. To my great surprise and delight, I won the first prize. The audiences gave me laud applaud to show their appreciation. However, I owe my success to Mrs. Zhang. But for her patience and her precious time, I wouldn’t have won the prize.